You’re doing well

I scribbled a whole lot earlier and fell asleep in the process. It reminds me of Naa now. Tired, exhausted and fussing herself silly, anything but allowing herself to fall asleep. 

It doesn’t take away the magnitude of things that were on my plate. But a nap did wonders. At least, after I was fully awake it did. 

Hunger, sleep, things that change my perspective. I was asked to breathe this weekend, breathe and just be. And allow God to be God as well. Over my life and over my situation. 

I’m at one of those activity peaks now. A first child turning one soon, a new mum in her mid thirties, a new employee in an unfamiliar industry, 2 exams in 2 very new fields to write in the next 2 weeks, absent child support for these same 2 weeks, a lot of work at work, big changes in the family dynamics (dynamics that are older than 20 years), an ongoing visibility promo for Enosua’s heArt, an uncomfortable financial situation for Enosua’s heArt, the economy as it is now… shall I list more?

No need. Because in the spirit of being, I will pause to acknowledge this much: “Girl! You’re doing a lot! And you’re doing well… just so well… past Ofosua should see you now, and future Ofosua should stand proud. Just for “being” alone… see, see what the Lord has done, be expectant of the more He will do.”

God is good, Ofosua. God is good, boss-chick, employee of the past month, mummy dearest, supportive wife, double student, proud daughter, praying sister, citizen of Ghana. 

God is good, Ofosua, and you’re doing well. God bless you. 

22:08

Mompreneur/Sidepreneur  |  Sunday, 30th October, 2022  |  Baby at 11 calendar months, 5 days

“Martha, Martha, Kanban…”

Growing up, I remember struggling to understand these verses from a well-loved story: “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” 

I mean, why on earth would a guest (the Lord) tell a busy host (Martha) this when she only asked him to tell her “distracted” sister (Mary) to help her? I mean how? It was a no-brainer to me. We’re two sisters who have guests, we must make sure everything is in place for the guests to be well cared for in this very moment, but Mary doesn’t do anything but sit by a guest and listen to Him when there’s work to do! 

I could always bear with Martha’s frustration but found it hard to understand what the Lord meant. So I settled with the explanations I was given and eventually made peace with it. 

Till I recently discovered the joy of actually practising Kanban, one of the agile methods, and now these verses take on a whole new meaning from me especially “it will not be taken away from her” 

Kanban as an agile method not only relies on having our “to-do list” arranged in a certain way on a board we can “always” see, but also relies on us focussing on one thing at a time till it is done before moving on to the next priority, only pulling in another priority task to do when the prioritised task a person is working on is done. It’s interesting to read more about it online, please do!

If Mary used a personal Kanban, she would have been focussing on the task important to her: listening to the Lord, a guest Who wouldn’t always be with her but had so much wisdom He could share with her then. 

Now my humorous self can’t seem to get this image out of my mind 😂😂: The Lord saying ever so serenely to Martha, “Martha, Martha, Kanban…” I’m in tickles already! 

When I began using Kanban, I discovered my priority tasks were no longer being “taken away from” me by distractions, seeming emergencies, less important and less urgent things. I was getting things done and done well because I gave myself the permission and the space to focus in spite of everything. Just like Mary. 

And funny enough, I was getting even more things done in a day when I used my Kanban than if I were to run around and do many things at once, start many things before finishing one to move on to the next.

My personal Kanban allows me to:

1. List everything I need to do including the “many things” that leave me “worried and upset” when they aren’t done
2. Prioritise the “few things” that “are needed”, and 
3. Choose “indeed only one” thing to work on. 

If you’re familiar with this Bible story and experienced in using Kanban you may understand the light bulb moment I just had these few days ago after being retrained by IQ business on Kanban amongst other agile concepts. I’m now an absolute Kanban believer!

If you feel you want to understand my lightbulb moment, I’d encourage you to: 

• Read Luke 10:38-42
• Read more about Kanban
• Create your personal Kanban and follow it, and
• Discover your own joy of being more productive so that what’s important to you is “not taken away”. Just like Mary. 

Feel free to send me a message if you get stuck, and I’d be happy to help. 

Enjoy your day! Kanban, anyone?

8:38am

Mompreneur/Sidepreneur || Friday, 21st October, 2021 || Baby at 10 calendar months, 26 days

10 Letters - Letter 10

2 weeks ago, 14 nights ago, I was preparing to leave you behind for more than 24 hours for the first time in my life, Gladys. 

Daunting, no? I was gone for 7 days and 7 nights. And when I got home you were asleep! 😂😂😂

But it was beautiful thing to have you latch on at night as if nothing had changed. It was adorable to see you laugh and crawl so quickly! Yes, I know. You still move on your fours in slow motion but girl have you improved! I sometimes still see you getting weighed down by your own head from a small miscalculated coordination attempt, at times to the point of tripping as you crawl. But ooo it’s so adorable to see the progress you’ve made. 

Your soul piercing gaze still warms my heart. This is you, our Frances, and we love you to absolute bits. 

I do thank Ariel, Amanda over again for their care for you whilst I was away but I haven’t paused to properly say thank you to you, Naa. 

Thank you, Ameley, for: 

- Not stressing your Dad and Auntie Amanda too much 

- Staying healthy; I know it’s not all you but I’m grateful you were

- Your smiles and laughter when you recognised me during video calls 

- Hanging in there without me, whether or not you truly missed me or didn’t realise what was going on 

- Craving for my breastmilk while I was away and letting me know you did when you saw me on our video calls. Really glad you didn’t kill the appetite. You made all my expressed milk worth it. 

- Just being you, Ms. Ammah, in all your cuteness, your fondness and your bea-U-ty! 

I have more to say but my sleepy mind isn’t allowing it to flow as freely. 

All the same I want you to know… our baby girl… know that Mummy loves you waa. To the moon and back and back again with an Uber rider to the main Mamprobi lorry station. 

You’re our lovely darling, and it’s good to hold you close again… over and over again…

22:17

1st baby diaries || Friday, 14th October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 19 days

10 Letters - Letter 9

Tonight, Godwilling, tonight…

Tonight, I’d hold you in my arms

Tonight, you’ll suckle by my side

Tonight, I’d hear you breathing, asleep 

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight, I’ll see you smile at me

Without a screen between us three

Tonight, I will delight in your laugh

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight, your eyes will look into mine

Piercing my soul, traversing time

Glittering with sleep, or thought or more

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight, I’d feel your heartbeat sync with mine

Tonight, our rhythms will sing our old rhyme

Tonight, I’ll feel your warmth again

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight, I’d count these my many blessings one more time 

Our answer to prayer, our girl who arrived in perfect time

Tonight, I’d hum a song of praise 

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight, Daddy may get some deserved sleep

Tonight, I’m on duty automatically 😂😂

Tonight, I’d hear you fuss again

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight, I think I’d finally shed that tear

The joy of finally having you near

The week is over, I’m coming home

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight! Our N’am’ley, did you miss me?

Tonight! It’s been an incredible week!

Tonight, it’s you I get to see 😍😍

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight, I’ll drown the whole world out 

Tonight, they can go and figure it out

Tonight will all be for my family

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight, I’d hold you in my arms 

Tonight, I’d kiss you with wet eyes

Tonight, I’d smile a thousand smiles

Tonight, Naa Ameley, tonight

Tonight, God willing, tonight 

Tonight… 

8:29pm WAT 

1st baby diaries || Saturday, 8th October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 13 days

10 Letters - Letter 8

Guess who’s seeing you tomooorrroooooowwwww!!! 

Mummy dearest, that’s who! 

Oh my baby, I’ve missed you! They did say babies grow so fast but say whaaaaaatt???!! 

Daddy gave me an update tonight. Girl, you’re grown!! 1 week! Just a week and you’re crawling with confidence, defending your turf and not just investing your newfound super powers in throwing tantrums 😂😂😂

You look taller too! A lot can happen in one week. My heart is already in Ghana, my body is here and my mind is definitely in a deep sleep 😂😂 Ameley, I’m so tired I can’t even think. 

Today and yesterday have been spiritual journeys. Bad states are good things if they trigger great actions, and I’m on to my new adventure. The exhaustion did a number on me but it made me vulnerable. And this vulnerability was good. You know how I’d love you to follow your dreams with pride, passion and responsibility? Well I hope we can look at this week and go like, “My mum made a life changing choice, and this is where it all began” 

The mystery… looolololl… but the future will prove it or not. 

It’s been a good ride, Naa. So glad my employer gave me this chance. Happy to be coming home to Daddy, you and the rest of the family soon. Till then, where’s that “new” to do list? 

Love you now and always, our Naa Ameley. 

22:04

1st baby diaries || Friday, 7th October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 12 days

10 Letters - Letter 7

It was lovely seeing your angelic face as you slept this morning, Naa. I remember when people kept saying you looked so peaceful in sleep. To me, all babies did but today I got it. Your face, your eyes, there was something absolutely calming about you and it made me feel peaceful. 

I didn’t see you much today after that. Can’t remember where you were but I spoke with your Daddy and knew you were closeby.

Speaking of peace, today, I chose me. Not intentionally but I kinda got so exhausted I skipped class and talked with Uncle Yaw, who had come to the hotel to visit, till late. It was nice. I needed that rest. It felt like I’d stepped off the rat race for a moment, still tired but less strained. Enjoying laughs and the fellowship of a friend. 

It’s been a good evening. And guess what? I’m in bed before midnight! Whoop whoop! Before 11pm even! Hurrrayyyyy!! 

I’d be sleeping right after this letter to you, Naa. I hope when you grow and you start choosing, I hope you choose what’s best for others and best for you. I had unconsciously begun thinking angry thoughts about others when I was hungry over the last few days, not realising the strain this week had had on me. I wasn’t becoming a good version of myself for others or for me.  

Naa, one 3-day intense training from Monday to Wednesday, an engaging conference today and tomorrow, the night online classes that starts at 5:30pm Ghana time to close about 11pm SA time (I’m 2 hours ahead of you), the expressing of milk, the long shopping walks, the ad hoc emails, the urgent texts, the low sleep, the constant urgent and important mode, the jet lag, the colder weather and freezing air conditioning, the cold that doesn’t heal fully. Mummy’s been through quite a bit this week and has a few more days to go to see you. 

Tonight’s break was not an option. It was unintentional but it was key. And I’m so grateful God was gracious enough to orchestrate it for me. 

So when you start making more choices on your own, Naa, I pray that when God grants you rest, you’d take it. Don’t worry about tomorrow or the work left undone. He’d either clear it away or help you make up for it at a better time. So please take it when you recognise it. Thanking Him for His opportunities to rest… 

… like I am today. 

I love you, our Remote-Inspector. May God grant us a beautiful tomorrow in Him. 

22:45

1st baby diaries || Thursday, 6th October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 11 days

10 Letters - Letter 6

Talk about long hard days, Naa Ameley! Eish! 

3 minutes to half past midnight, Naa. And Mummy is still up. 

I always wondered why people hated travelling on company trips. Now I understand even more. I thought it was just the flight (which I’d gladly skip if teleporting existed) but eish! The work after work is just hectic! Aowwuuuu… 

That said though, I’m loving the opportunity. And the chance to eat and try foods I normally won’t eat 🤩 I have a senior colleague who actually hates this point but today, I’m so glad I’m not that senior colleague because I am loving it! She’s Ga like you, by the way, and food without an impressive dose of pepper gets to her. So imagine the week she’s having…  

The milk bit is a downer though… milk and cheese. I can do butter, mozzarella and cheddar and small amounts of fresh milk or UHT but anything outside this does leave me feeling bloated and gassy at times. Why they’re putting generous amounts cheese and fresh milk almost anywhere and everywhere is beyond me! Eish?

Speaking of milk, Naa, I’m expressing once or twice a day for you and I’m glad with my progress. I know some Mums don’t get this chance or have to choose to not keep up, so I’m so grateful that I can. Looking forward to your right of refusal (self-weaning) or your weaning at aged 2. Till then, let’s keep getting you some milk. 

You’re probably asleep by now, my love. Sweet dreams our famous Ariosua, our Ganyobi who loves pepper… Please give Daddy a good night’s sleep too… Mummy loves you waa! Keep remembering this… 

00:38

1st Baby Diaries || Thursday, 6th October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 11 days

10 Letters - Letter 5

We’re almost there, Ameley. A few letters more and you’d be in my arms again. 

I must say the letters are helping. I’m not struck with absolute guilt or worried uncontrollably. Perhaps I’m busy… they do say work is a distraction for mums and it seems to be working for me now. Also your amazing Dad is doing a lovely job 😍. Still, writing to you each day is comforting. 

I loved your extremely broad smile when you saw me tonight. Pure joy. I was so happy to see you but thrilled when you broke into that beautiful smile of yours, our Gladys. It’s the first time I’ve seen you smile so broadly during our video calls, and yes, I fell in love all over again, our Frances. 

It was nice going for a swim after. I’m trying to remember the last time I swam and I can’t really recall anything beyond 2019. It’s amazing, Naa. One day we’d go to the pool together.

One day some day soon but tonight though, I’ll acknowledge that amazing swims make for deeper rests — but I still need more time to benefit from it. This was a hectic day that was totally made by your brilliant smile, our Piesie. It was such a beautiful experience: that spontaneous bloom of your expressions. Thank you for sharing it with me 😘

Mummy loves you. Fondly… 

00:35

1st Baby Diaries || Wednesday, 5th October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 10 days

10 Letters - Letter 4

You won’t imagine what happened last night, Naa… I sent our letter to the wrong broadcast list. Guess when I realised it? Just a few minutes ago. If I were white I’d be totally red right now. 

For some reason though, WhatsApp allowed me delete for everyone. I hope it worked. Even if it didn’t, aahhh well, we’re human. I won’t be the first or the last to do so… lol… 

Speaking of firsts and lasts, tonight was the first time you protested during our video call. It was rather hilarious you trying to throw a tantrum because you could see my breasts and not reach it. Sad? Yes? Cute, yes too. I hope you laugh with us about it when you’re older. It’s amazing how your brain works and I was delighted by it. 

We also noticed at the end you were throwing a tantrum for Daddy’s phone. Well, you won’t always get everything in life, but it doesn’t stop you from asking, even better, from asking nicely. Were you throwing a tantrum all along? Naaahhh, we won’t think so even if you were. Missing you is precious now. And to see you break into a smile during that same call as I spoke with you and tempted you to smile was just the highlight of my day. Nope, we won’t let that moment go… you smiled for me and cried for your milk with me. I no bore… lol.

It’s been a long day and it’s really late. My brain is doing that thing where it’s following the time back home so it isn’t sleepy yet. We’ll see where that will land me. I’ll try and sleep soon. I hope you’re doing so same and not giving Daddy a tough time tonight. 

Sleep tight, my love, our Gladys. It’s nice imagining you closing your eyes right now and drifting off to dreamland… 

22:53

1st baby diaries || Monday, 3rd October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 8 days

10 Letters - Letter 3

10 letters - Letter 3

It’s been a loooonnng day. Very long. Too long. Bad night, jet lag, fatigue and a mall “trek” that went searching for a needle in a haystack. It’s annoying to have limited funds, Naa Ameley, but we still count our joys. 

And today one of my greatest joys is you. The video your Dad sent me of you made my heart sing, your delightful laugh melts my heart. It was nice seeing you do so. 

And it’s motivations like you that keep us going, Ameley. I mean, what else would drive me to spend time manually extracting milk when I could be adding to my minutes of much needed sleep if it weren’t for you? 

When things get tough, remember your motivations and delights, Frances, and remind yourself of why you’re doing what you’re doing and who you’re doing it most for. 

Because Mummy is exhausted, I’d say bye for now, our Naa Ameley. Sleep tight when you do ❤️

8:12pm

1st Baby Diaries || Sunday, 2nd October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 7 days

10 letters - Letter 2

10 letters - Letter 2

I’m at the airport, Naa. And I can’t help but imagine what I would have done if I saw your eyes that can peer into a soul gaze at me when we drove away. Or if you cried, knowing you weren’t necessarily crying for me but crying because Ariel gave you back to Amanda after letting you sit with us as we backed out of the yard. Each would have broken my heart for sure. 

Thankfully, I didn’t see either. So my heart is intact. And I’m just numb. Not a bad numb, just not feeling anything. Not feeling like I’ve left you behind… yet… 

And perhaps that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe I’ll feel it tomorrow morning, or in the plane tonight, or tomorrow night when I’m snuggled up alone in my bed without you, without Ariel. Or when I wake up in the dead of the night reaching out for your dummy or your bottle or for you even to breastfeed and realise none are there. 

Am I overemphasising all this perhaps? No… I know I’m not. I know it’ll hit me eventually. But maybe these letters may speed up the process or simply delay it. I don’t know and I don’t care honestly. I do know these letters will help me cope, help me feel connected and maybe reduce my Mama’a guilt if I happen to feel it. 

One thing I do know is I love you so so much, I’m going to enjoy these days without you, and yes, I’d miss you too. Don’t miss me too much, and ooooohhh dear! I just remembered I left my breast pump! Ok! Operation dry not is now hotter than ever. 

Let me send this now before the data cuts. I love you, our Ameley. To the moon and back and back again with a Trotro ride to Boadi Junction. Kiss kiss! 

22:26

1st Baby Diaries || Saturday, 1st October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 6 days

10 letters - Letter 1

It’s the night before I leave you behind, Naa Ameley. It would be our very first night apart since you were born. 

So I’ve decided to write 10 letters. 10 letters to you, Gladys, till I’m back home. 10 letters of love to our first child, Frances. 

But first, let me start with a story. One you may have heard over and over again. 

Grandma Frances got the opportunity to travel abroad and study for her PhD when I was just 3 months old. She almost never went if it wasn’t for Grandpa Kofi who promised to write Grandma a letter every day to let her know how I was doing. You’re 10 months now so imagine what Grandma had to go through! I can’t imagine it. At all. 

But I do imagine missing you each day we’re apart. And I am confident that I would not be able to wait to see you soon. 

But tonight, I’ll hold you close. Cuddle you like I don’t normally do. Enjoy the warmth of your touch and pray you don’t get a cold, my love. 

Because I’ll miss you, my love. My one and only Piesie, our answer to prayer and our pure delight. 

It’d be our first time apart, and I’d write to you everyday… just like Grandpa did for Grandma when she had left me and the rest of the family behind.

Don’t miss me too much! Mummy loves you, Ameley… 

  

23:23

1st Baby Diaries || Friday, 30th September, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 5 days

Intentional

 In the midst of trying to find my feet at my new job, working on Enosua’s heArt whilst working in it, and practically staying afloat, I realised I was neglecting one thing: my family. 

Don’t get me wrong. My husband isn’t abandoned and my daughter doesn’t not know me anymore. But I did realise I had become comfortable working alongside everything! A day with the family was a day with my screens by my family. Breastfeeding Naa meant Naa saw my face less than she saw the back of my device. And now, she was so used to not making eye contact that when she did, she could look on listlessly as if I didn’t exist. 

Our other “twin” baby would barely calm down if he were upset and I tried to console him. Not so for Ariel, the relationship had been built to be different. 

I used to be happy when Naa cried for her Dad instead of me. It was the sound of upcoming relief from minding her. Freedom to get along with other things. 

But now I realise that we do not reap where we do not sow. Even with babies. It’s not Naa’s responsibility at this age to invest in our relationship. It’s mine. And I should invest in the relationship I want to have. What we feed grows, what we starve dies, and I know the road I was on was full of hunger strikes when opportunities to be well fed abound. 

So Naa, now I look into your eyes much more when you breastfeed. I cuddle you close when I can. I shut the laptop for you or move towards you if work has to eat into your time because it isn’t theirs. I pause work for you after working hours, I come at your call to be held, to be fed because it’s your time not theirs. 

I’m more intentional now, because I don’t want to lose you having created that loss. I want to be the change I want to see. I want to be close to you and that starts each day. So I draw close. I’ll invest our time in you. I love you. 

You’re important to me, our relationship is too, the relationship with our family is as well, and now I’ll be more intentional… because I can’t miss this, miss you, miss all this whilst I’m right here. 

Intentional… 

23:45

Mompreneur/Sidepreneur diaries | Monday, 26th September, 2022 | Baby at 10 months, 1 week, 1 day

Yɛabɔ o, hyira yɛn

Songs We Grew Up On and what they still mean to me - An Enosua’s heArt series 

“Yɛaba o, hyira yɛn” is an Akan song that is one of the features in this series. This video describes what it still means to me after so many years of singing it.

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Me, my business, my baby, me…

After realising my home isn’t being run the way I wanted it to run, I learnt a big lesson today as a Mompreneur and Sidepreneur: no matter how busy I am, no matter how exhausted I am, and no matter  how much I can outsource anything even if that thing is my emotions, at the end of the day, I’m still responsible for taking care of me, my business and my baby the way I want it to be taken care of. 

No one else but me…

I’m responsible for asking God for help and allowing Him to guide and release me… 

I’m responsible for my own rest, down time and sleep hours.

I’m responsible for keeping my daughter fed well at all times and for keeping the quality of my gifting top notch for my clients. Not the supplier, not my family, nor the clients. Me… 

That doesn’t mean I must do all the work, no… but it does mean I should ensure the work is done satisfactorily, with an outcome that doesn’t stress me. That’s my Boss Mum job, not someone else’s. Especially when outcomes are subjective in the hands of others. 

I recently listened to the book, E-myth Revisited: https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/e-myth-revisted/34474?refId=40779&gclid=CjwKCAjwx7GYBhB7EiwA0d8oe5rsuF1wFsxqxbFe49RJ-4Y83Hq-wvYmB4CBOWCTxz6NGTw7UfpPLRoCCQEQAvD_BwE)

It’s a book that has useful nuggets for startups, including building systems that make your business run successfully. Funny enough, when I read it, I didn’t imagine myself building systems for my  home as well. But now I do… systems that not only work for my workers, my delivery, my family, my baby but for me too. 

Realising in all honesty today that I couldn’t outsource my meals and go to bed, and still expect our family budget to stay on track or our food to stay healthy, I may adopt the system my mum used so well… a workable menu and a reasonable price list! Wish me luck! 

Realising that a delivery company is giving me heartache, I honestly can’t expect them to make me happy… honestly! I should be the change I want to see and move on to a courier service that does better even if it means it costs more for the priceless peace of mind. That’s my Mom Boss side hustler job, not my service provider’s.

And if I’m truly concerned about my daughter’s skin, I’d ensure she gets to the hospital and not hope someone else would ensure this. If I’m truly concerned I’d do something about it. One hospital visit coming up! 

Some things are really no-brainers when written out and read. But it’s a beautifully humbling experience when you’re faced with the reality of such a no-brainer with some time to actually correct your own flaw… 

And that’s where I am tonight. Such a beautiful place before I fall asleep. Back in the place I should be: increased supervision with any outsourced tasks within a framework that actually works for the desired outcome: a rested responsible with her achieved goals who relies on God for every work, home, side hustle step…

Such a beautiful place to be: of conviction, of repentance, of hope… my baby, my business, me…

10:39pm

Mompreneur/Sidepreneur diaries || Monday, 29th August, 2022

At the touch of love

It’s been an incredibly hectic week. A hectic month so far even. And I’ve had to make sacrifices, go on different pauses, just for the sake of good health and sanity. 

It’s been an incredible week all the same. I would even do it all over again. But I’m proud that in many cases, I chose our Naa Ameley. No, she didn’t have her usual access to me all the time, but she did have me every day. Every single day, we spent good time together. 

So at the end of one to these pressure-packed sprints at work, as I took a break from the late nights and long days and simply caught my breath, I wasn’t surprised that in a single moment I was in deep awe of Naa Ameley’s hands in mine. Thankful to be alive, thankful to be her mum. 

And this inspired not only the poem below but the video as well. 

The month has been so quick and quite hard so far. And unfortunately, the stress hasn’t quite ended yet. However, as I unwind this Friday night, reminiscing my chance to feed Naa from my plate and my breast, with the knowledge that the night was mine to enjoy, it’s no wonder to me that in my choice to act, to choose in love, to choose Naa again and again, I became a poet. 

I hope you love the poem and video as much I did… and experience just a little taste of world tonight… 

Your hands so sweet in mine

Your fingers are divine

My heart just swells for you

My darling, I love you

You remind me of what’s right

For you, I’m back up to fight

My heart sings because of you

My darling, I love you

No, you’re not all roses and kisses

Still you’re more than a thousand wishes

You make me laugh till I’m in stitches

My darling, I love you

Your hands: just sweet in mine

Your fingers, so divine

My heart, it swells for you

My darling, I love you

“At the touch of love, every man becomes a poet” - Plato

10:24pm 

1st Baby Diaries || Friday, 26th August, 2022 || 9 calendar months, 0 weeks, 1 day  

A Thousand Random Things

I sprayed breastmilk in my face by mistake a few seconds ago as I wondered if I had run out of it or Naa was just too sleepy to suckle. I guess the latter was true. And I remembered how far I’ve come with this milk journey and how every mother has a unique story around it. From those that stopped producing and totally ran out of milk a week after resuming work to those that couldn’t produce milk for days after birth (like me). Not forgetting the many that got home with engorged breasts and had to make some plan for extracting at work. Not forgetting the baby formula that our babies preferred or not. It’s amazing how far we’ve all come. Me? I’m amazed… 

A thousand random things… 

I was also thinking of what to write today. There’s time to sit and breastfeed this particular morning so I’m taking advantage of it to type and my mind kept jumping to the different things I could write about. One being how the babies (yes, we have two at home) stopped wailing when I switched the channel to the Teletubbies show. It was hilarious, in that brief moment, I realised how I loved Teletubbies myself, even up to University but not once did I think my own baby would find it pleasantly calming and maybe even quietly hilarious like I have. And yet, here we were, watching Lala count 3 big flowers over and over again amidst her own giggles and all 4 of them giving themselves a “biiig huuug”… lol… the journeys we have… 

A thousand random things… 

Another thing I wanted to write about was a willingness I had recently developed to stop explaining. I feel I’m one of those people who value “why” so much that I give reasons even when it isn’t needed. And yet recently, I find myself stopping at what is essential to say in everyday conversations and correspondence. No “because of”, “this will help to”, “since there is”… it’s like a tap is gradually closing on this one. It started with my clients at Enosua’s heArt and made it’s way to conversations with friends and emails to colleagues. It’s like suddenly my brain became more aware of it and started feeling lazy. Those who know me may not see the difference as much as I do… but I’m amazed… I wonder if it’s going to be a 9-day wonder but whatever it is, I’m pleasantly intrigued… the progress we make… 

A thousand random things… 

Now I realise that those thousand and one things have just left the building. I can’t remember all the many things I wanted to type… typical 😂😂😂 I do know I’m starting to do things that “help” with not being as forgetful. Like setting up calendar invites just to do stuff. Or setting alarms on my phone to do same. Let’s not start about how I got here though, I was forgetful before Naa came along and now I’m not sure if I’m better or worse. What I do know though is, surprisingly, I’m getting so many names right at my new job. Like! Like I’m thoroughly impressed! No lie! Maybe I should buy myself a treat… or better yet, just take a long lovely walk in our neighbourhood to celebrate this “achievement”. It’s interesting how in this moment I’ve suddenly thought of rewarding myself with something that isn’t necessarily pampering or indulgent for celebrating an achievement. It’s funny though, I may stop saying, “if I do X, I’ll buy myself Malt” and replace it with “if I do X, I’ll take a lovely walk” 😂😂😂 There could be something here. A whole business plan or lifestyle change, but let me not get ahead of myself. I’ll take that walk soon and then see where the rest takes me. 

A thousand random things… 

Speaking of rest. It was a very adorable thing cuddling with Naa as I ended my work for the day yesterday. It was one of those “work weekends” so finally finishing what I wanted to do, and then closing my laptop, it was so cute seeing Naa reach out to me. Her hands open and raised with her fussy voice and eager eyes looking at me. It was nice to pick her up, rest her in my bosom and experience her falling asleep as I caught up on social media. It’s one of those everyday things and yet one of those everyday blessings too. Knowing you love someone who loves you too. Knowing you’re needed and have the chance to give off your best to the ones who adore you. Knowing you have many chances to cuddle with your baby whilst it lasts… it’s a beautiful thing. Our lives are filled with so much beauty in spite of all our pains and frustrations. And cuddles with Naa is one of my beautiful havens in life. 

A thousand random things… 

8:15am

1st baby diaries || Sunday, 17th July, 2022 || 7 calendar months, 22 days 

Priority

Tonight I got a call from the hospital; we have to return tomorrow to ensure any red flags from our labs earlier today are put in check. There wasn’t enough info from the labs to say there was a serious issue or a rather benign one. At some point in the conversation, the doctor said, “Oh, please come ooo”. That’s when I caught myself a little distracted by my planning. I was already thinking of what to tell my boss, how we’d meet this very important global deadline at work, how we can still work remotely with the hospital visit tomorrow. No… not at all, I wasn’t even considering not going to the hospital. “Oh no,” I replied, “we are very clear who the priority is, she’s priority, always. We’ll be there tomorrow.”

And that’s when it struck me. Naa Ameley will always be priority, family will always be priority, no matter what. 

Yes, there would be days Naa won’t get to play with me just because I’m home. There are days she gets shipped out of the room because she wants to “say some” during my work call 😂😂. And there are days she may wait an hour or 2 longer to suckle after I close from work because I had to leave the office later than usual. Yes, there may be many days like that. Honouring God in my work is important. And yes, there are days Ariel may have to wait with Naa outside our bedroom so I can complete an important call with an Enosua’s heArt client. Those days will come, but that doesn’t mean my family isn’t priority. Naa, if you or any of your siblings are reading this, know that the times you have to wait “your turn” doesn’t mean you aren’t priority. You are. Always. Just not a first pick as a constant, but when it’s really important, when it boils down to choosing one thing over my family, like my last job move was, you, my family, will always always be priority. 

It spooked me. The very thought. That one day I could walk away from a good career prospect or a great Enosua’s heArt break because my priorities are clear, our priorities are clear: Family first. 

Yes, it was spooky but “boy!!!” did that make me proud! An unwavering conviction, when push comes to shove, no one shoves my family out. 

Will I be irresponsible when choosing family over all (please don’t add God to the “all”… lol… that’s also very clear to me)? Hell no? I don’t plan to be and hope I meet people with grace who call that out if I ever do so blindly. I’ll do my very best to plan or mitigate, so I can honour God in honouring my family. And honour God in every other aspect of my life. I may pick work calls in the car at a hospital, if needed. Or wake up really early to fulfill a client’s order. And for sure, I would work late like I’m doing today to make up for “borrowed” time from my day job or other responsibilities. But will I put them first over you, Naa? Over our family? No… no, I won’t. God forbid that I do. 

I really ask for grace to keep us first, Naa. Speeches are easy, and announced convictions can be glamorous. So we thank God that grace abounds. 

That call has shaken me because of this thought that it generated, Naa. Thankfully the content of the call itself wasn’t scary. However, I’m thankful I’ve gotten those shock waves this evening. It’s a humbling reminder why I work, why I chase my dreams, why I love being a Mum, a Wife, a Daughter of God too. Typing this out has strengthened my resolve, and ooo am I grateful that I had this experience tonight. 

Tomorrow, we’d make it. Come hell or high water. And may we be given many opportunities to make it when it counts… for you, for family, for us…

6:38pm

1st Baby Diaries || Thursday, 14th July, 2022 || 7 calendar months, 19 days 

Exhausted, Super Proud!

One thing I’ve learnt being a Mom, Full time worker and a small business owner, either can make you exhausted… all 3? Very exhausted. 

Sometimes I’m so exhausted everything just takes a pause. Other times, the long hours of one become the more hours of another, especially with discipline and the frequent reminder that, “Sis! You don’t have time!” 

It’s fun building a business, adding value to your employer, pouring love and milk into your child. They have their ups and downs but let’s face it: it’s more than fun, each is a rewarding experience. They truly are. 

So tonight, I find myself trying to soothe my fussy teething baby so she can sleep on what could have been a semi-empty stomach. Thankfully the calm and wait till past 11pm paid off! She drank the rest of her formula! Finally! The one she rejected earlier. Naa Ameley loooooves food! So when she rejected food, I knew there was going to be extra effort needed tonight. Thankfully, whilst I waited and allowed her to fuss in and out of sleep till she got hungry, I worked on some paperwork for Enosua’s heArt… not a minute wasted being a goal, it was nice using up this TV/Mom time to catch up on what I had been putting off too long. Mompreneur.

After she finally finally fell asleep better fed, I put her down and then ironed my new dress for work. Day 5 on my new job and I wanted to look really good this time. If it didn’t fit perfectly just from all the weight I’ve gained these past few weeks, it surely had to be look well ironed. Thankful for all the leg work Mandy had put in, I just needed to iron out a few stubborn creases to finish it off. The plan was to catch up on some audio learning for my business as I ironed. I guess I forgot but it’s nice that the thought was there. Prepping for work and sharpening my side-hustle ask in tandem. Sidepreneur.

Yes, all this leaves me exhausted. I could have been asleep before 9pm but here I am, right before midnight, briefly catching this moment because I want to remember these days. 

I’m a young Mompreneur and Sidepreneur, I’m proud of both, proud of the 3 elements that make me both: Mom, full time employee and business owner (mostly in this order). Proud of all the systems currently in place plus the new ones I am building to help me excel as much as feasible in my circumstance at each. Proud of the awesome people I have at home, work and my Enosua’s heArt affiliations who support me. 

Yes. I’m a young Mompreneur and Sidepreneur, exhausted and super proud. 

00:02am

Mompreneur/Sidepreneur Diaries || Thursday, 7th July, 2022

Don’t Know

 We don’t know 

If I have COVID or not 

If I contracted it at work yesterday or not

If a test today will reveal the truth

If waiting till Monday will give a more accurate test result

If I hadn’t contracted it before yesterday 

We don’t know 

If our lives are safe enough to not ignore precautions 

If being careful now is useful

If being careful now is even necessary 

If this semi isolation is worth anything 

I don’t know

If you understand, Naa Ameley 

What’s in your mind when you stare at me with disappointment 

If you can appreciate why I won’t pick you up, lay by you, keep your life the way it used to be 

If you can bear with me when I hand you the sanitised bottle instead of the breast

I don’t know 

Who I’m really protecting

Who may be protected because of these precautions 

If all this isn’t useless “draconian” 

If all this is what I’d be super grateful I did

I don’t know

If this will affect my milk production

If this will burden everyone else more than imagined

If this semi-isolation is worth it

We don’t know

If I would need to rebuild our relationships after the test

If Grandma is safer because of all this 

If you are safer

If our at risks are safer

We don’t know

But we do know

We will try

We may cry

We will do our best 

And we love each of you

Each of us

Including you

Our Naa Ameley 

And this temporary scare

Won’t change that 

That we more than just know

We’re absolutely confident of it 

And we thank God for His grace not to know

And yet still trust Him alone

As we walk in faith

In all the steps we take 

That we do know, absolutely!

5:15am

1st Baby Diaries || Friday, 10th June, 2022 || 6 calendar months, 16 days

Dexterity

I’ve been meaning to write this forever, and tonight the joy in my heart won’t let me skip it anymore. Of course, small candles shine most brightly in darkness so here goes: 

Boy! The dexterity in your fingers, Naa! I’m in awe. I loved watching you develop them. From the random movements that achieved nothing but the smiles on my face to the attempts to pat me purposefully. Then I saw you juggle your bottle in your hand and fumble with picking anything at all. So imagine my heart singing when you finally picked up your own dummy and brought it to your mouth! My word! You learn fast, Naa Ameley, much better than Mama taught you. 

The dexterity in your fingers. Did I tell you how my heart warmed up in all the fuzziness that be when you reached out and dug your hand into my neck ever so fondly to fall asleep. And since then each time you do so I fall in love. 

I can’t say I love you grabbing my lips and twisting it like crazy with your weirdly sharp nails when you’re feeling sleepy. Or that you want to grab the spoon when I’m feeding you a mashed banana and then almost immediately rub your eyes with them…. Urrrrggghhhhhhhhhhh… Naa, the thought alone! Sometimes, I wonder now that you can bring the dummy to your mouth what else are you going to pick up… from the floor!! Ohhh the horror! 

But back to counting my smiles, I’ve loved the way, since birth, you have these classy ways you hold up your hand from time to time. Like a lady about to receive a ring. A movie star flaunting her diamond-studded nails. There’s a class about you that makes me wonder how plan to carry yourself as you grow. 

The dexterity of your fingers. They make me smile. Soon you will write GW and may or may not sketch. You may construct 3D objects with such precision people will wonder how that too can be genetic. You may even play the piano, the guitar,  or type better than Mavis Beacon 😂😂 I knowwww, you won’t know who Mavis Beacon is. And if you cook, the way you slice those onions would make the food absolutely delicious, not to speak of the way your mind and your hands will communicate to create awesome recipes. Or you may do none of these, my dear.  But I know whatever comes from the manipulations of your fingers would be good, beautiful and God-glorifying… and I can’t wait to see it. I’m definitely enjoying the journey… because at this rate, it’s going to be an incredibly beautiful one. 

The dexterity of your fingers, sweet child… how the Lord has blessed me to see this. 

10:16pm 

Monday, 16th May, 2022 || 5 calendar months and 21 days || 1st Baby Diaries

Tonight

Tonight I’m broken 

I’m on my way and get home after 9pm… close to 10pm…

I’ve taken an Uber from work costing 137 cedis… 

And I’m wondering if returning to work is truly a blessing 

Tonight I’m guessing…

The what ifs never end and I choose to write in verse, in line, in time, in rhyme… or anything in between 

My baby may not suckle tonight and I’m not sure how much I can pump 

Tonight I’m numb

Going through the motion and hoping I don’t cry 

My heart weeps but my face is dead to it 

My mind wanders wondering how women survive 

Tonight I’m vulnerable 

No one knows the answer and I can just take a guess 

Follow that guess and hope it’s the right one

Do my best with no end in sight 

Tonight I need prayer. Do pray with me… 

8:40pm

1st Baby Diaries || Wednesday, 4th May, 2022 || 5 calendar months 9 days 

Acting like a baby

Recently I’ve been comparing Naa Ameley’s actions to human nature especially in reference to the term, “acting like a baby”. 

For example, this morning after she had successfully finished her bottle almost all by herself (lol… she can hold her own bottle to her face and feed — occasionally with a little help), and successfully burped, guess what followed… she threw up right all over me 🤦🏾‍♀️ Right after that, she began smiling and laughing — perhaps after feeling relief from tossing cookies — whilst I, on the other hand, tried to figure out how to most efficiently clean up this mess without making her cry…

Reminds me of some people I’ve met, and sometimes even my own self when I’ve unfortunately been acting like a baby. Be ok and even quite successful one minute and then without any warning, spew a lot of disrespectful words or gestures all over the people I “need” or “work with” and then expect them to smile with me the next minute, or after which, I simply choose not to care about the effects my outpouring caused. 

Like a baby, just that we’re not babies, we’re acting like them. 

Or the other day when I had finally been able to grab myself a meal, and was right, riiight in the middle of it. Guess who began wailing that she wanted food immediately? You guessed right. And she wouldn’t stop or wait her turn. I realised in that moment that that’s a skill we are taught and choose to pick up along the way. 

So when it’s all about us and everyone must stop for us, we aren’t babies but we surely are acting like them! The difference though is unlike babies, we either know better or can find out how to know better (if we want to, we can even ask Google). Or like babies, we truly are oblivious to how our actions affect others, and a kind prompt could do the trick. Or like babies, we’d rather prefer to give rude wake up calls in the middle of the night to prompt others as to what to do right in response to their baby-ish behaviour. Funny thing is babies barely have a choice because they haven’t yet learnt or been quite exposed to the art of communicating like adults, and yet, we have. 

And how about the time yours truly would just cry! And for the life of me, I’m unable to figure out what’s bothering her till it’s satisfied somehow. A case of bad gas? A case of a dirty diaper? A case of hunger? A case of a toy “not working” as expected? A case of the bite of an insect that came out of nowhere? A case of some distress… unable to communicate it without throwing a tantrum. Or should I say only being able to communicate it through tantrums. 

Remember the ones you know who seem to consistently communicate with shouts and screams when some expectation hasn’t been met? Are they truly unable to communicate without the drama or they just can’t be bothered? Remember when you did same that one time? Intentionally or not, that’s baby right there. 

The cool thing about acting like a baby is that it’s not beyond any of us. You could dare say it’s natural human behaviour that we’ve chosen to leave behind… well, mostly. But what’s way cooler is it’s also not beyond us to rise above it… and choose the less selfish, more self-empowered, and the productively experienced approach. 

The next time I feel someone is acting like a baby, I may treat them like one and extend grace, or be reminded of Naa and just smile (if it’s a terrible situation I may just suit them up in diapers in my mind to help me cope) or if I’m not up for all this adulting, I may join them in the crib and respond as a baby would. I honestly don’t know. But I honestly do hope that whatever happens, I would glorify God… baby acts or not… 

Scene three , take two, action! 🎥👶🏾👶🏼👶🏿👶🏻🍼🎞

10:07am

1st Baby Diaries || Saturday, 9th April, 2022 || 4 calendar months, 15 days

End of Maternity Leave Blues

It’s a lovely day to write again… it’s been a while since I shared a fresh entry here.

For perhaps the first time in my life, I’m home and Naa Ameley is not! 

Eish! It feels like a holiday! I wish I could enjoy it more but I am exhausted and have a lingering headache. But it beats having her here at this time so I’m absolutely grateful. 

Grateful to the God Who makes this possible, and grateful to Ariel who’s made this happen. Glad he hooked on to the idea when it was mentioned. Terribly happy. 

So… it’s been ages since I wrote. 

In between building a business and caring for Naa Ameley, I seem to be experiencing Return-To-Work blues.

I love the way Joy put it… I’m smitten by my own child so leaving her behind isn’t making me happy. I never thought of it that way, my own child making me broken-hearted without her doing… lol… but now I realise that’s what a number of women seem to feel subconsciously. 

Also I guess it isn’t easier when I had expectations of building the Enosua’s heArt’s merchandise leg to a certain level. We’re still on it thankfully but it does make returning to work harder when that was a win I would have so wanted to have. We’ve experienced many wins thankfully! So I’m counting my blessings I won’t be sulking about the one win that’s delayed. God has been good, and we’ve put in work that’s already creating the future we want to see. And that’s just a pleasant reality. One I’m happy to celebrate. Check out how far we have come now at https://instagram.com/enosuasheart (Instagram) and (https://fb.me/enosuasheart. And please don’t forget to contact us at https://wa.me/233200092755 to place your order. But I digress 🙈

Now though, I’d honestly love to count many more of my blessings again. I asked God for encouragement and I’d love to play my part. 

Naa Ameley is already 4 months old! Can you imagine! 4 months of this cutie with a billion more to go. 

Now she loves to smile. She actually loves to laugh and I thought her many faces made me laugh but her smiles melt my heart a thousand times over! 

She used to sleep through the night but now she wakes up leaving me exhausted and out of sorts on most days. I really look foreward to her sleeping through the night again. I know how not getting enough sleep affects me. Till then though, I’m enjoying how I manage with the secret hope that I don’t break down. 

Delight asked me to feel it… all the pre-return emotions. Weird advice when you’re actually trying to escape the blues. So I thank God for prayer. I keep asking for encouragement and He brings it my way. 

For instance, Ariel’s afternoon out with Naa Ameley was something I didn’t know I needed. Learning to schedule posts is a dream come true. And ideas for content makes me realise how good God appears to us when we look for His goodness and seek His will.

I understand some women are happy to return to work. In open honesty, I’m not one of them this time round. Maybe I would be some other day. Today, I do have a few more weeks to get my head right, and I’m thankful God is walking these weeks with me every step of the way. 

Maternity leave was what I needed. A refreshing break, a rejuvenated hope and more importantly, a newfound love, Naa Ameley. 

Before you were born, Naa Ameley, I promised to guide you to know God. And how does one do that without knowing God too? So I grasp this opportunity with both hands. This is a new part of my journey, our journey in Him, Naa Ameley. And I hope to live this part, hand on heart, not giving up on my dreams. 

Dreams aren’t killed by others, Naa Ameley. (Yes, yes, yes, I can see you roll your older eyes at me as I type this… lol… I also see my older self laugh under my breath at my current obsession with dreams that come true, but I digress… again). With our own hands we commit dream suicide, and I am not about to show you how I did same to mine this year. Not me. 

Enjoy your time out with Daddy now. I look forward to you enjoying many more. Right now, I’m going to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my break this evening. It’s terribly lovely having you with us now, Naa. God has been awfully kind. He truly has. 

5:51pm 

1st baby diaries || Sunday, 3rd April, 2022 || 4 calendar months, 9 days  

The Promise

 Dear Ameley,

Guess what? You’re 34 weeks today! Isn’t that something! A few more weeks and we’d see your Kung Fu limbs that have been jabbing me so much and your gorgeous smile. The one you give when you taste your Dad’s shito and stretch to show your pleasure. Yes, we can’t wait, really 😅

I have heard of promises parents made their unborn children. I’ve even see a few made to their newly born sons and daughters. I was never inclined to make you a promise… but today, tonight, I am. 

The last few weeks have been tough, Ameley. I’m not sure if it’s pregnancy-driven or pregnancy-related but either way I really want to let you know that whatever the cause or relation, it was as human as humanity gets. I wept for so many reasons, and was broken by what would normally leave me with at most a sigh. I want you to know I could have been depressed even, but I want you to know even more that there’s nothing wrong with that. It was human and part of my experience and the trigger for the responses I can be proud of today. Ameley, circumstances can and sometimes will make you sad, but what’s more important than your tears by itself is what you would do about these circumstances. And I pray that whatever you choose to do, first you will willingly choose to do it, and more importantly you will willingly choose to honour God by it. 

Mummy has some scars for choosing to honour God. She also has some sour tastes in her mouth by the same choices. But Mummy is proud to make these choices even though sometimes they seem to pierce her very soul so excruciatingly. And now, even more than ever, Mummy hopes that you come to that realisation and willingness too. God’s Word affirms to us that those who hope in the Lord won’t be put to shame. Naa Ameley, our obedience is a sign of our hope and trust in God. I pray you experience this realisation personally and choose to bear your scars of obedience without shame. 

Aside the emotional tasking, I had a fine array of physical pains! New and old! Like my arms so painful, typing normally on my work laptop was an agonising chore. Or that sciatica that made me limp back and forth to the washroom in pain with the aid of a swivel chair all night long. That was one awful awful night. The second night was easier but still bad enough to mess up my sleep. 

And don’t forget the magnitude of info I had to process and physically assist with or partake in. My move to Kumasi. Amanda and her 3-day-old baby. Grandpa being admitted at the hospital. Grandma exhausted but holding on. Amanda admitted at the hospital. Fluffy the dog being admitted. Your cousin’s, Akua’s, energy and mischief. Some personal issues I was exposed to. And then there was the constant fatigue from this 3rd trimester and then work with all its wahalas… Yhup, a whole lot! No wonder I cried… a lot… lol 

I was as human as human can be. And I wanted to be sure I noted this but also let you know I appreciate my “human-ness” in all of this. Because I want you to grow bold and confident, our Naa Ameley, knowing that no matter how you express your humanity, our angel, you can celebrate it amidst the pain and honour God even when you’re drenched in the rain. 

And this is where I promise you, Naa. I will do my very best to help you know God and willingly choose Him over all everyday. I will do my very best to celebrate who you are so there’s little need to doubt or reject who you’re cut out to be. I know we’d have our differences but I’d do my best to still celebrate your uniqueness. You’d be a special child to us and I will do my best to keep relying on God to be the mother He wants me to be to you, everyday and in every way. 

Naa Ameley, having been through these past few weeks, with me still wiping some tears, I realise how important knowing God personally does help. And I promise that as long as I live, with the ability that God gives, I would do what I can to help you find God too. 

I love you, our Naa Ameley. Never forget Daddy and Mummy love you, no matter the age you’d be. 

With lots of love, 

Your Mum, 

Ofosua 

Pregnancy Diaries || 11:12pm || Tuesday, 26th October, 2021 || 34 weeks 0 days

Help

 Celebrating the incredible end to a terrible terrible tiring week with a late breakfast in bed, the beautiful sound of heavy downpour outside and Ariosua reacting “kicking-ly” to my late meal, I think I’d add an entry to my Pregnancy diary 😊

By the way, Ariosua likes Cheerios so I’m not surprised. And it’s past 11am so I guess s/he’s happy I’ve gotten round to fixing breakfast for us. Horlicks, Cheerios, VitaMilk energy and hot and cold water 😂😂😂 surely a celebration fit for the week I’ve had! 

As usual, there’s a tonne of topics to choose from but I’d pick only one: Help.

Nowadays, I wake up with so much pain in my left arm that it’s practically useless for anything in the first hour or so. You may have no idea how thankful I am that though my right arm may not be pain-free either, it can at least open our bedroom door and get me to the washroom — and lift the toilet seat if needed. My right arm can also type in those early hours of my waking and get me to read my devotional online and sometimes catch up on messages. 

All this has made me truly appreciate and ask for help. 

I generally don’t shy away from asking for help, but one thing to know about me is, if I do ask for help then I actually need it. I may never ever ask for help if I feel I can manage on my own. No lie. I’d rather choose not to do something than ask for help to do what I can manage on my own. I love my sense of independence that much. It feels uselessly stubborn at times but I guess that’s a trait I can’t deny. Even worse, if there’s an inkling that the help I’ve asked for won’t be given, I won’t even bother. See why I call it stubborn? 

But unfortunately for this trait of mine, my life has been littered with moments I have had to ask for help, even if it seemed a bother to someone else. It’s been humbling. Especially in times I’ve been ill. And with Ariosua on the way, my word, has it been humbling! 

That’s why I can look to my painful hands in the morning and tell myself, “It’s okay to ask for help”. 

You won’t imagine the help I’ve asked for… okay… maybe you would, but I can’t imagine it because… well… I’d rather not if I could. 

Our choice to move to Kumasi for the birth is a cry for help. 

Me asking 3 different people to help me carry my bag yesterday and a greater number on Wednesday to do same when I was out of the house is help I’d barely ask for… ever…

Shall we talk about house chores? I mean basic basic house chores, not the “hard ones” I can’t even wash a mug or even a small bowl anymore because of what they do to my painful hands!! I no longer interact with or feed our dogs, and I can barely take any filled utensil off our stove. I can barely cook because I can’t stand the world of scents! 

Sometimes I can’t pick or make important calls because I’m just not well enough to so someone else has to do that for me. There are some clothes I can no longer wear without assistance. And now I have to ask for permission to catch my breath during presentations at work 🤦🏾‍♀️

Oh and there’s more. I couldn’t have managed any of the baby shopping without my cousin, Charlotte, or my Mum and Sister-in-law in Kumasi. I already hate shopping to begin with 🤦🏾‍♀️ I keep saying my perfect shop is think of a need, need automatically bought at the right price and preference, bank account deducted, need shipped to my door. Finish. That model doesn’t exist yet so I guess I still get to hate shopping 😂😂😂 

I’m unable to eat loads of stuff or go out much so specific foods are literally brought to me to get me and Ariosua going and growing well. And unfortunately too, some foods no longer exist in my house because of my aversions or they operate under the contraband goods category that are only consumed when I’m not close by. I’ve called a tonne of people (who already have incredibly busy schedules) at work to hold the fort for me as I got detained at yet another medical emergency. And did someone say baby shower? Well, that too… 

I wish I could type more instances I’ve had to stop and ask for help but it’d make this entry incredibly long! 

So today I am so grateful to everyone and anyone who’s stepped in to help me one way or the other. From my random bag holders to ones who allowed me to rant my heart out to the ones that just had simple chats with me on WhatsApp to the one who rubs my painful back. I wish I could name you all one by one, but even with counting these people in my head I’m drawn to tears… and no, this isn’t hormonally-driven tears 😂😂 they’re the tears I shed any day when I’m truly grateful. 

I would be startled if Ariosua grows to not be anything like us in this help category. I may be bad but I think Ariel is worse 😆😆😆 I may be proud if s/he’s independent and enjoys being so. (Maybe we’d get to know his/her gender today, then I can stop using double pronouns for her/him… loooollllzz!!) But I know I’d be pleased if s/he realises and keeps remembering that we are human, not islands, and it’s ok to ask for and accept help with grace when we need it. I’d be very very pleased. 

God bless everyone who’s helped me. And thank God for the honest humility to ask for help. My pregnant world would be unbearable without it! Yes, pregnancy isn’t a disease and thankfully has an end, but it’s one to get a lot of help for, and I’m truly grateful that I’m blessed with so so much from so so many places.

I’d remember this when I next see a pregnant woman… 

11:59am

Pregnancy Diaries || Saturday, 25th September, 2021 || 29 weeks, 4 days

Gye Nyame!

Shot on 8th January, 2019: I keep falling in love with this piece every time I see it and I remember my delight I felt whilst I drew it because of how it took shape with each stroke of my pens. 

When we pray... I not only love this piece because of my memory of my pleasure in bringing it to life or my excitement in how God and I got the blue and red - two of my favourite colours - to pop and balance so beautifully to me in the picture. Or even how some elements like the wall-hanging and Bible resonate with the sweet nostalgia of my childhood. Or the wine glass that reminds me of my affection towards communion as a Christian. Or the posture in prayer, legs crossed, palm in hand, peace but earnestness in telling our Father what is on our hearts. Or the compressed seat of the sofa and the resemblance of the entire sofa to one we had where we lived at the time. The nostalgia and hope this picture brings me of past, present and future milestones in my life and how God was, is and will always be there, be in control, be ready to listen to me, His child... to us, His children.

Not only these, I love this piece because it calls me each and every time to a life of surrender, of faith, of hope and of full dependence on God. A life not only continually rewarded with the awareness of answered prayer but even more so the joy of continual communion with the God of Heaven, the great God of all, our Saviour, our Father, our Friend. 

Gye Nyame! “Except God!” “But for God!” “By God alone!” An Akan statement that is popularly known by its Adinkra symbol in the wall hanging. Gye Nyame! A personal cry to my God that I am nothing without, I am everything with, and all I can ever do to His glory is in: Him. Gye Nyame!

When we pray...

#EnosuasHeArt #FirstSketches 

https://www.instagram.com/enosuasheart

Monday, 2nd November, 2020

Tell someone how God redeemed you

 

I’ll start with one of mine and hope you would join me in telling someone how the Lord has redeemed us from an “enemy”.

In 2016, I travelled for work to a different country. At some point prior to that I remember being upset that my trip had “delayed badly”. A few months into my trip, I paid a visit to the doctors for painkillers. A random but very simple test was prescribed then, which ended in a harmless trip to a specialist - because the pharmacies close by had stopped running such tests. 

At the specialist, both the doctor and I abruptly discovered I needed surgery. A week later, I was under the knife. The surgery went well but being miles away from family on a work trip in a different country with “tough” visas, I still had to live on my own for my initial recovery before I was fit to travel again. 

My surgery, though completely random (remember a random test got me to see the specialist), was definitely perfectly timed by God. “How?” you may say... I’ll tell you in a just a bit...

So... A local and friend of a friend moved in with me and literally took care of me during those very early days (God bless you, my Angel!!). A neighbour who had had a similar surgery before became the wise big sister I could not have ever imagined I so needed with her massive experience, her own mistakes whilst healing, her friendship, her advice (God bless you, our Happiness!!). I discovered my big little brother in so so many ways - a colleague who had also travelled to the same country for work after I arrived - who visited me almost everyday (God bless you, Me Nua!!). And there was a colleague I barely knew before, who was briefly visiting with her daughter for Christmas, but now stayed with me for the Yuletide, because prior to even knowing I needed surgery, I had agreed with a senior colleague to host her for the holidays instead due to a last minute change of plans in my senior colleague’s holiday schedule. My guest literally became my conscience when I had gained enough strong enough to be absolutely reckless with my recovery (God bless you, mah police!!!) And not forgetting all the friends who became family during that drastic change in my life... my Kenyan blood, my Nigerian clan, my UGL tribe, my SA siblings, a kind boss and team and a church family that loved deeply... God bless you all... it’s been years but I remain so grateful... 

Such perfect timing that met my dire needs perfectly at such a random time... 

And you tell me that the Lord is not good? I can only point to this season of 2016/2017 where the Lord not only redeemed me from a medical condition I had no clue I had (but had managed to plague me in different ways that had never been associated with it) but also redeemed me from harsh loneliness by orchestrating the lives of those around me so my own quality of life in a foreign land after this abrupt surgery would lack no good thing, would be made richer in ways I could never have imagined. 

So today in obedience to Psalm 107:1-2, I give thanks to the Lord for He IS good!! And join those who tell others of how the Lord has redeemed them! Let the redeemed of the Lord say so! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!! Praise the Lord!! 

And you? How has the Lord redeemed you? #Psalm107vs1to2

Getting Ready

This may be my shortest entry yet. 

Ariosua seems to be moving his/her head down. I can now feel stretches and kicks in my upper torso, and sometimes see my skin undeniably move with those soft stretches. Unfortunately, I’m still the only one who’s seen and felt her/his undeniable movements, not the hidden ones no else but I see/feel. 

Ariosua is getting ready for the birth too. And maybe, because of this, we’d finally know if s/he’s a he or she this weekend. 

It’s been a really late night tonight for many reasons. However, tonight’s movements, in spite of this really late night, are a wonderful wonderful feeling: slow, intentional, gentle, enchanting. I definitely didn’t want to forget this one. And I hope Ariosua reads about this night one day… 

Another mild thump identified… the moves continue… 

 

1:20am

Pregnancy Diaries || Wednesday, 22nd September, 2021 || 29 weeks, 1 day

Welcome to Trimester 3!!

I was toggling between writing about my realisation of the sudden loss of energy I’m experiencing or my excitement that now I look quite pregnant and I’m pleased as punch!! 

Welcome to Trimester 3!! We’re on to the last round 🥳

But I guess I’d write about both… lol… long read ahead, I guess… 

The sudden loss of energy… 

I read about it, heard about it, but never ever imagined it this way! I was speaking with a friend, Tammy, tonight and I tried to describe it to her in my latest “power cut” version. 

Imagine, you’re happily playing music on the “radio”, enjoying the fan being on, even enjoying working from home on your laptop, there’s something cooking in the microwave and all of a sudden, the lights go off, power cuts, internets goes with it, you’re left with “nothing”… 

Yhup! That’s how I feel right now! 

They say it may get worse, I feel it could get better once my body seems to get the memo — right now I’d cut it some slack and say it’s still shocked. Well I’m shocked… I went from hero to zero so fast on energy levels you’d think Ghana’s Volta River Authority was a person running for President with no rains in Northern Ghana and with a sudden cause to announce a dumsor period to the Nation that must vote for her #AllPunsIntended 

It’s not even funny. I’m struggling to work, struggling to get up in the morning, struggling, just struggling… they weren’t wrong about the honeymoon trimester 2. Though I didn’t get that sudden surge of energy at the beginning of it — mine kinda crept on me — I surely did get zapped out of those amazing energy levels the last few days… like the power cut… abruptly… some switch just went off… leaving me with “nothing”… 

That said, it’s also a beautifully quiet reminder that it’d be over soon. I’m in no hurry for Ariosua to show her/his face earlier than due, but knowing that this exhaustion is over soon is heartwarming.

But then, as my friend, Valerie, put it tonight, I won’t be just exhausted then, I’d be exhausted with a crying baby 😂😂😂😂 Bless her, she made me laugh alright! 

The pregnancy look 🤩… 

I never ever thought I’d say this… or even do a little happy dance tonight in front of the mirror because of it but I’m excited that I’m finally starting to look pregnant… whoooooooossshhh!! 

At first I dreaded it, then got so proud of not “looking” pregnant, then got totally frustrated that I had to actually verbally let people know I was pregnant and now that my nose is popping and my bump is showing… Uuuuuuweeeeeee! I’m so happy! 

I’ve fit in most of my pre pregnant clothes without a fuss. I’ve lost a lot of weight so I’m actually surprised Ariosua and myself are still healthy. So that was a plus. I also was thankful I didn’t look pregnant when I wasn’t ready to let others know I was, especially right after the first trimester when we had started breaking our silence on it. First trimester was hard, oh my, it was hard, and thanks to some medical opinions, keeping quiet was helpful in keeping me in a better state to hold Ariosua in with all the medical tracking and assistance I could get. I guess they were right. 

Then when we started announcing and I’d get the “But you don’t look pregnant” comments, I’d beam with instant pride! “I look fly, don’t I?” But sometimes it could be shattering, including the day I wore my “I’m pregnant” outfit to the office to announce my good news without saying so! And it didn’t announce itself 🙄 I still bore… my friend, Delight, was at the office that day and can attest to both: how it didn’t show and how upsetting it was for me. All that effort to look pregnant down the drain… just like that!

Then when I felt all those around me could see the change, I had one more hurdle to cross: the innocent bystanders who didn’t know me from Adam. 

Imagine having to tell the Uber driver to go over bumps slowly only to close-to scream in shock and then almost immediately threaten him with some form of “do you want a child born in your car today?” expression after he decided that the bump he went so quickly over wasn’t a bump enough? Yhup… frustrating!

Or go with me down memory lane, just about 2 weeks round today’s corner, to the time I had to carry my collection of books and other items that had my sketches to an interview in one big “tote” bag. I signed in at the entrance, a few steps from where I had parked the car and then asked for help to carry my bag into the building. The impressively-dressed security man look bewildered: as if I’d asked him to quit his job and sing and clap for me up the stairs. That’s when he started explaining that he can’t leave his post, blah blah blah. I could have cried then, I’m not used to asking for help. So I said, “Oh, I can’t carry it myself. I really need the help. I’m pregnant”. It’s like a light bulb lit brightly in his head and suddenly his narrative became more helpful. He didn’t carry it because he honestly couldn’t leave his post but he was so “caring” and “more helpful” after that. Hmmmmmm. Frustrating… 

Or the time I went to the bank and after all my deep breaths, sighs and occasional groans, I asked if I could eat my chocolate bar and was invited to do so. Thinking my bulging tummy was obvious, I was shocked to be compared to a male friend of this banker who sat before me. His friend also had to eat sweets to keep his sugar levels up. I asked if his friend was diabetic and he said no but just had to do so if he was getting hungry. So I commented I had been away from home a while and needed to eat soon because my low sugar levels were being caused and aggravated by my baby who was fussing then… You should have seen this banker’s shock and heard it in his “You’re pregnant?” ask. And then we spent the next 10 mins or so with him telling me how he didn’t know I was pregnant, I don’t look it, blah blah blah… Can you imagine I left home with the undeniable conviction that I looked pregnant? But no, I just looked like a lady with a fat belly 🤦🏾‍♀️ I now notice ladies with large bellies and wonder if that’s how I appeared to these men. Frustrating! 

But nowwwww, see me! In less than 2 weeks my nose doesn’t only look large and pregnant right after I wake up in the mornings but large and pregnant all day every day🤩. And if face masks were still a blocker, see my bump now… whooosshh… it’s like the Lord “goes” before me now in this belly of mine 😂😂😂

I know I don’t look as huge as the average pregnant woman this far into my journey but at least now I look pregnant. Finish!!! Nose and all!!! 🤩

I’m actually laughing at myself now. I’m not sure if I’d feel the same way next week or next month even. But that won’t stop me from celebrating now in spite of the continued aversions and indigestion episodes that have plagued me all through this pregnancy, including the episode that’s keeping me wide awake tonight 🤦🏾‍♀️

So here’s to marking the beginning of Trimester 3 🍾🥂with an exhausting reminder of who’d be “here” soon, a finally-significant pregnancy nose, and a large enough belly that I hope won’t be mistaken for sheer obesity anymore. Here’s to a beautiful trimester ahead, because you better be a good one to me, Trimester 3 😂😂 I’m tired… so tired already… as Zouli, my colleague, used to say to me before she went on maternity leave, “Je suis fatigué.”

11:00pm

Pregnancy Diaries || Tuesday, 14th September, 2021 || 28 weeks, 0 days 

Always Important

 Always important. 

That’s what I’m learning even more each day. Ariosua is always important. (Yhup, we’re yet to confirm her/his gender). And sometimes because s/he’s always important, sometimes s/he’s the only one I need to attend to urgently. 

I’m sure you’ve heard of the Eisenhower matrix and how it helps you decide what you must do and when you must do it. Well, when it comes to our Ariosua, s/he’s mostly in the Urgent and Important quadrant. 

Because I have to keep him/her safe, you’d find me drinking lots of water in a day and tripping to the bathroom as soon as I need to go. I’ve come to realise no discussion on any online meeting, work or otherwise, would be worth pre-term contractions from a UTI I could have avoided, or at least reduced its gravity. None. So I’ve learnt to say, “Team, please give me 3 minutes, I need to step away from the call; I’d be back” and then dash to the washroom or grab another helping of water. No reasons needed, team responsibly informed so life can “go on” without me whilst I do my part to preserve the life, this precious gift to us, that’s “growing” inside of me. 

Always important… 

Because Ariosua is always important and s/he needs to be fed well, I’ve probably found more ways to stop crashing. I still struggle to eat properly. As a foodie, it’s quite frustrating to be appalled by things I’d once grab and eat without thinking. I can’t seem to eat chicken, fish, and sometimes meat anymore. Especially those with the slightest hint of garlic (before Ariosua came along, I used to loooove garlic as a spice). The thought alone can make me puke, trust me this isn’t an exaggeration, let me just spare you the details but it’s that bad. But because Ariosua is important, I stick to my 2 eggs everyday! Ariel sometimes likes to laugh at me that I’m now a snake who’s addicted to eggs. I might as well be at this rate 😂😂😂 after all, I still have an acute sense of smell that could make those sniffer dogs at the airports jobless. For all you know I could smell cancer if I knew what those other “special” dogs smelt to detect it. 

I digress… 

Aside my two eggs, I’d currently eat a tonne of lettuce each day because onions are a hit and miss and carrots are now disgusting on most days. Plus many other veggies are hard to even be by! Who would have imagined that I wouldn’t be able to share a room with peas or fresh tomatoes? Or beans on a “bad day”? Sometimes it’s so sad, this whole aversion thing, but I’m thankful pregnancy isn’t permanent. I’d get my old me back soon GW. The midwives’ advice to follow the cravings I’ve had helps keep my plate diversified somehow, and my doctor-cousin, Muffet, and doctor-friend, Eyram, really have helped me make awesome food choices. Because the fear of depriving your child of essential nutrients can be extremely terrifying. I’ve cried before because of this fear. Really grateful to each of them. 

So yes, Ariosua is always important. S/he dictates my sleep patterns and how much sleep I need to get nowadays, how much exercise I can do, if I go to the hospital or not, the emotions I choose to indulge in because I honestly can’t be stressing him/her for any nonsense thereof, even the presence of the chocolate bar in my bag anytime I step out of the house for more than an hour because I can’t risk crashing from low sugar levels. S/he definitely dictates our “sparse” shopping list nowadays, that list used to be tall! Now, there’s only as much as I can stomach myself or tolerate around me. Yhup, Ariel gets hit too, unfortunately. S/he forces me to eat everyday even though on some days I really wonder why God just didn’t allow us to imbibe nutrients from the atmosphere by Osmosis or some other means. Can you imagine this was a thought that was close to a nightmare for me because of my love for food? 😂 Now see me wishing it was a beautiful dream come true. 😆 “This world is not our home”, it’s true 🤦🏾‍♀️

I love Ariosua. I really do. I love her/him here. Making moves in my belly and reminding me that s/he’s the one we’ve been praying for. I also love that s/he’s taught me a lot about prioritisation and living by the hour, literally!! I thought I knew how to do so but now I know I didn’t know as much. 

It’s great to have her/him here. And I guess I understand how babies are the forever boss, always important, dictating our lives and yet always captivating us in love, even before they’re born 🥰 

Looking forward to meeting you outside this body of mine, Ariosua 😘😘 Eagerly looking forward 🥰🥲😍

5:25pm GMT 

Pregnancy Diaries || Thursday, 9th September, 2021 || 27 weeks, 2 days 

On teat on time

 On teat. 

My breast milk journey so far hasn’t been extremely hard, it was awful at the beginning but it hasn’t been terrible throughout. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still can’t produce enough to feed this young lady but I’m not trying to feel guilty about it. 

But more on actual breast milk production later. I promised I’d write about it when I wrote the entry, Painful Milk (https://enosuasheart.blogspot.com/2022/01/painful-milk.html?m=1). I surely will. Today though, with me counting down to 12noon with Naa Ameley fast asleep on my arm, I’ll write what I’m currently thinking about: feeding times 

On time.

Can you imagine! I dozed off with her! Loooll… anyway, after seeing to a couple of things, I’m back to type… so… where was I? Yeah… I’ve remembered…

On time.

When I started producing breast milk, it was so small that Naa Ameley would spend so many waking and sleeping hours during the day on my teat. No joke, she would suckle till she dozed off and then wake up and start sucking again. There was a day I was seated from 8am to 9pm and only rose to use the washroom! If I was lucky, she’d fall asleep and stay asleep for a while so I could detach her, let her continue sleeping and I’d rest from feeding. But that often didn’t last long. Feeding on demand was hard when you couldn’t produce what was demanded… 

By the time I’d give her the bottle of formula at night, she’d be so hungry she’d eat with such enthusiasm it could make me feel bad. And on days she had formula during the day, she could sleep for hours. 

But I was determined to increase my breast milk production. So the only thing that prevented me from giving her more formula during the day was extremely sore teats. 

On teat on time.

By the time we were relocating back to Tema though, I realised this was not sustainable. She couldn’t be on teat all day… and she shouldn’t take her sweet time doing it either. If I didn’t have the luxury of lots of breast milk, I wasn’t going to take away all my time either. Something had to change. And I did…

I changed her feeding times from all times any time to every 2 hours on the hour for 30 mins. 30 mins of feeding and an hour and a half of waiting till the next feed. And boy, was that hard. But then I discovered cuddles. Thankfully, I could give her cuddles that calmed her down when she was getting really hungry and it was time yet. I’d give her the pacifier and she’d sometimes fall asleep. Just like she had when I started writing the post. Formula was reserved for feeding right before bedtime so she could sleep for long, for night feeds so anyone else could feed her, and for early morning feeds right after she woke up and was starving from many hours of no food. Then around 9am we’d start our on-time feeding. 

On time on teat.

9, 11, 1, 3, 5, 7… we’d feed for 30mins and end it then. After a while, I noticed she improved how regularly she sucked during those 30mins. At some point, we crossed an uncomfortable period where she’d cry and fall asleep right before feeding time so I’d wake her up to feed on time to allowing her to wake up on her own at or soon after feeding time to have her 30mins with me. She soon became known as our alarm clock. Getting irritable at 8:30am, 10:30am, 12:30pm, 2:30pm, 4:30pm, 6:30pm or 8:30pm and being calmed till feeding time. Or waking up from sleep right before feeding time. She was getting good at it but then I realised I was getting tired… 

So guess what we’re doing now? Trying to feed her every 3 hours instead of 2 but for an hour instead of 30mins. That often allows me to pump as I feed her, if I do pump (yes, we finally got our own pumps). It also allows her to feed from both teats if needed.

And because of that change, we’re back to cuddles before feeding time is up. I’m so glad they work for her. I’m not sure how I’d be able to calm her down without water logging her (i.e. giving her way too much water giving her water helps with that and her frequent constipations) or giving in to an early feed. 

You’re doing so well, Naa Ameley. I’m proud of you. And guess what? I’m doing so well too! I’m super proud of me. Knowing all we’ve been through with this feeding journey, I’m more than just proud. I’m grateful, super thankful, at peace and happy. Just happy. 

Looking forward to you settling into our new Dawn, 9, 12, 3, 6, 9 feeding cycle. And well, if you don’t eventually, we’d try something else. 

Either way… I’m proud of you! And proud of me too… ❤️

3:23pm

1st Baby diaries || Wednesday, 16th February, 2022 || 2 calendar months, 22 days