The Promise

 Dear Ameley,

Guess what? You’re 34 weeks today! Isn’t that something! A few more weeks and we’d see your Kung Fu limbs that have been jabbing me so much and your gorgeous smile. The one you give when you taste your Dad’s shito and stretch to show your pleasure. Yes, we can’t wait, really 😅

I have heard of promises parents made their unborn children. I’ve even see a few made to their newly born sons and daughters. I was never inclined to make you a promise… but today, tonight, I am. 

The last few weeks have been tough, Ameley. I’m not sure if it’s pregnancy-driven or pregnancy-related but either way I really want to let you know that whatever the cause or relation, it was as human as humanity gets. I wept for so many reasons, and was broken by what would normally leave me with at most a sigh. I want you to know I could have been depressed even, but I want you to know even more that there’s nothing wrong with that. It was human and part of my experience and the trigger for the responses I can be proud of today. Ameley, circumstances can and sometimes will make you sad, but what’s more important than your tears by itself is what you would do about these circumstances. And I pray that whatever you choose to do, first you will willingly choose to do it, and more importantly you will willingly choose to honour God by it. 

Mummy has some scars for choosing to honour God. She also has some sour tastes in her mouth by the same choices. But Mummy is proud to make these choices even though sometimes they seem to pierce her very soul so excruciatingly. And now, even more than ever, Mummy hopes that you come to that realisation and willingness too. God’s Word affirms to us that those who hope in the Lord won’t be put to shame. Naa Ameley, our obedience is a sign of our hope and trust in God. I pray you experience this realisation personally and choose to bear your scars of obedience without shame. 

Aside the emotional tasking, I had a fine array of physical pains! New and old! Like my arms so painful, typing normally on my work laptop was an agonising chore. Or that sciatica that made me limp back and forth to the washroom in pain with the aid of a swivel chair all night long. That was one awful awful night. The second night was easier but still bad enough to mess up my sleep. 

And don’t forget the magnitude of info I had to process and physically assist with or partake in. My move to Kumasi. Amanda and her 3-day-old baby. Grandpa being admitted at the hospital. Grandma exhausted but holding on. Amanda admitted at the hospital. Fluffy the dog being admitted. Your cousin’s, Akua’s, energy and mischief. Some personal issues I was exposed to. And then there was the constant fatigue from this 3rd trimester and then work with all its wahalas… Yhup, a whole lot! No wonder I cried… a lot… lol 

I was as human as human can be. And I wanted to be sure I noted this but also let you know I appreciate my “human-ness” in all of this. Because I want you to grow bold and confident, our Naa Ameley, knowing that no matter how you express your humanity, our angel, you can celebrate it amidst the pain and honour God even when you’re drenched in the rain. 

And this is where I promise you, Naa. I will do my very best to help you know God and willingly choose Him over all everyday. I will do my very best to celebrate who you are so there’s little need to doubt or reject who you’re cut out to be. I know we’d have our differences but I’d do my best to still celebrate your uniqueness. You’d be a special child to us and I will do my best to keep relying on God to be the mother He wants me to be to you, everyday and in every way. 

Naa Ameley, having been through these past few weeks, with me still wiping some tears, I realise how important knowing God personally does help. And I promise that as long as I live, with the ability that God gives, I would do what I can to help you find God too. 

I love you, our Naa Ameley. Never forget Daddy and Mummy love you, no matter the age you’d be. 

With lots of love, 

Your Mum, 

Ofosua 

Pregnancy Diaries || 11:12pm || Tuesday, 26th October, 2021 || 34 weeks 0 days

Help

 Celebrating the incredible end to a terrible terrible tiring week with a late breakfast in bed, the beautiful sound of heavy downpour outside and Ariosua reacting “kicking-ly” to my late meal, I think I’d add an entry to my Pregnancy diary 😊

By the way, Ariosua likes Cheerios so I’m not surprised. And it’s past 11am so I guess s/he’s happy I’ve gotten round to fixing breakfast for us. Horlicks, Cheerios, VitaMilk energy and hot and cold water 😂😂😂 surely a celebration fit for the week I’ve had! 

As usual, there’s a tonne of topics to choose from but I’d pick only one: Help.

Nowadays, I wake up with so much pain in my left arm that it’s practically useless for anything in the first hour or so. You may have no idea how thankful I am that though my right arm may not be pain-free either, it can at least open our bedroom door and get me to the washroom — and lift the toilet seat if needed. My right arm can also type in those early hours of my waking and get me to read my devotional online and sometimes catch up on messages. 

All this has made me truly appreciate and ask for help. 

I generally don’t shy away from asking for help, but one thing to know about me is, if I do ask for help then I actually need it. I may never ever ask for help if I feel I can manage on my own. No lie. I’d rather choose not to do something than ask for help to do what I can manage on my own. I love my sense of independence that much. It feels uselessly stubborn at times but I guess that’s a trait I can’t deny. Even worse, if there’s an inkling that the help I’ve asked for won’t be given, I won’t even bother. See why I call it stubborn? 

But unfortunately for this trait of mine, my life has been littered with moments I have had to ask for help, even if it seemed a bother to someone else. It’s been humbling. Especially in times I’ve been ill. And with Ariosua on the way, my word, has it been humbling! 

That’s why I can look to my painful hands in the morning and tell myself, “It’s okay to ask for help”. 

You won’t imagine the help I’ve asked for… okay… maybe you would, but I can’t imagine it because… well… I’d rather not if I could. 

Our choice to move to Kumasi for the birth is a cry for help. 

Me asking 3 different people to help me carry my bag yesterday and a greater number on Wednesday to do same when I was out of the house is help I’d barely ask for… ever…

Shall we talk about house chores? I mean basic basic house chores, not the “hard ones” I can’t even wash a mug or even a small bowl anymore because of what they do to my painful hands!! I no longer interact with or feed our dogs, and I can barely take any filled utensil off our stove. I can barely cook because I can’t stand the world of scents! 

Sometimes I can’t pick or make important calls because I’m just not well enough to so someone else has to do that for me. There are some clothes I can no longer wear without assistance. And now I have to ask for permission to catch my breath during presentations at work 🤦🏾‍♀️

Oh and there’s more. I couldn’t have managed any of the baby shopping without my cousin, Charlotte, or my Mum and Sister-in-law in Kumasi. I already hate shopping to begin with 🤦🏾‍♀️ I keep saying my perfect shop is think of a need, need automatically bought at the right price and preference, bank account deducted, need shipped to my door. Finish. That model doesn’t exist yet so I guess I still get to hate shopping 😂😂😂 

I’m unable to eat loads of stuff or go out much so specific foods are literally brought to me to get me and Ariosua going and growing well. And unfortunately too, some foods no longer exist in my house because of my aversions or they operate under the contraband goods category that are only consumed when I’m not close by. I’ve called a tonne of people (who already have incredibly busy schedules) at work to hold the fort for me as I got detained at yet another medical emergency. And did someone say baby shower? Well, that too… 

I wish I could type more instances I’ve had to stop and ask for help but it’d make this entry incredibly long! 

So today I am so grateful to everyone and anyone who’s stepped in to help me one way or the other. From my random bag holders to ones who allowed me to rant my heart out to the ones that just had simple chats with me on WhatsApp to the one who rubs my painful back. I wish I could name you all one by one, but even with counting these people in my head I’m drawn to tears… and no, this isn’t hormonally-driven tears 😂😂 they’re the tears I shed any day when I’m truly grateful. 

I would be startled if Ariosua grows to not be anything like us in this help category. I may be bad but I think Ariel is worse 😆😆😆 I may be proud if s/he’s independent and enjoys being so. (Maybe we’d get to know his/her gender today, then I can stop using double pronouns for her/him… loooollllzz!!) But I know I’d be pleased if s/he realises and keeps remembering that we are human, not islands, and it’s ok to ask for and accept help with grace when we need it. I’d be very very pleased. 

God bless everyone who’s helped me. And thank God for the honest humility to ask for help. My pregnant world would be unbearable without it! Yes, pregnancy isn’t a disease and thankfully has an end, but it’s one to get a lot of help for, and I’m truly grateful that I’m blessed with so so much from so so many places.

I’d remember this when I next see a pregnant woman… 

11:59am

Pregnancy Diaries || Saturday, 25th September, 2021 || 29 weeks, 4 days

Gye Nyame!

Shot on 8th January, 2019: I keep falling in love with this piece every time I see it and I remember my delight I felt whilst I drew it because of how it took shape with each stroke of my pens. 

When we pray... I not only love this piece because of my memory of my pleasure in bringing it to life or my excitement in how God and I got the blue and red - two of my favourite colours - to pop and balance so beautifully to me in the picture. Or even how some elements like the wall-hanging and Bible resonate with the sweet nostalgia of my childhood. Or the wine glass that reminds me of my affection towards communion as a Christian. Or the posture in prayer, legs crossed, palm in hand, peace but earnestness in telling our Father what is on our hearts. Or the compressed seat of the sofa and the resemblance of the entire sofa to one we had where we lived at the time. The nostalgia and hope this picture brings me of past, present and future milestones in my life and how God was, is and will always be there, be in control, be ready to listen to me, His child... to us, His children.

Not only these, I love this piece because it calls me each and every time to a life of surrender, of faith, of hope and of full dependence on God. A life not only continually rewarded with the awareness of answered prayer but even more so the joy of continual communion with the God of Heaven, the great God of all, our Saviour, our Father, our Friend. 

Gye Nyame! “Except God!” “But for God!” “By God alone!” An Akan statement that is popularly known by its Adinkra symbol in the wall hanging. Gye Nyame! A personal cry to my God that I am nothing without, I am everything with, and all I can ever do to His glory is in: Him. Gye Nyame!

When we pray...

#EnosuasHeArt #FirstSketches 

https://www.instagram.com/enosuasheart

Monday, 2nd November, 2020

Tell someone how God redeemed you

 

I’ll start with one of mine and hope you would join me in telling someone how the Lord has redeemed us from an “enemy”.

In 2016, I travelled for work to a different country. At some point prior to that I remember being upset that my trip had “delayed badly”. A few months into my trip, I paid a visit to the doctors for painkillers. A random but very simple test was prescribed then, which ended in a harmless trip to a specialist - because the pharmacies close by had stopped running such tests. 

At the specialist, both the doctor and I abruptly discovered I needed surgery. A week later, I was under the knife. The surgery went well but being miles away from family on a work trip in a different country with “tough” visas, I still had to live on my own for my initial recovery before I was fit to travel again. 

My surgery, though completely random (remember a random test got me to see the specialist), was definitely perfectly timed by God. “How?” you may say... I’ll tell you in a just a bit...

So... A local and friend of a friend moved in with me and literally took care of me during those very early days (God bless you, my Angel!!). A neighbour who had had a similar surgery before became the wise big sister I could not have ever imagined I so needed with her massive experience, her own mistakes whilst healing, her friendship, her advice (God bless you, our Happiness!!). I discovered my big little brother in so so many ways - a colleague who had also travelled to the same country for work after I arrived - who visited me almost everyday (God bless you, Me Nua!!). And there was a colleague I barely knew before, who was briefly visiting with her daughter for Christmas, but now stayed with me for the Yuletide, because prior to even knowing I needed surgery, I had agreed with a senior colleague to host her for the holidays instead due to a last minute change of plans in my senior colleague’s holiday schedule. My guest literally became my conscience when I had gained enough strong enough to be absolutely reckless with my recovery (God bless you, mah police!!!) And not forgetting all the friends who became family during that drastic change in my life... my Kenyan blood, my Nigerian clan, my UGL tribe, my SA siblings, a kind boss and team and a church family that loved deeply... God bless you all... it’s been years but I remain so grateful... 

Such perfect timing that met my dire needs perfectly at such a random time... 

And you tell me that the Lord is not good? I can only point to this season of 2016/2017 where the Lord not only redeemed me from a medical condition I had no clue I had (but had managed to plague me in different ways that had never been associated with it) but also redeemed me from harsh loneliness by orchestrating the lives of those around me so my own quality of life in a foreign land after this abrupt surgery would lack no good thing, would be made richer in ways I could never have imagined. 

So today in obedience to Psalm 107:1-2, I give thanks to the Lord for He IS good!! And join those who tell others of how the Lord has redeemed them! Let the redeemed of the Lord say so! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!! Praise the Lord!! 

And you? How has the Lord redeemed you? #Psalm107vs1to2