Don’t Know

 We don’t know 

If I have COVID or not 

If I contracted it at work yesterday or not

If a test today will reveal the truth

If waiting till Monday will give a more accurate test result

If I hadn’t contracted it before yesterday 

We don’t know 

If our lives are safe enough to not ignore precautions 

If being careful now is useful

If being careful now is even necessary 

If this semi isolation is worth anything 

I don’t know

If you understand, Naa Ameley 

What’s in your mind when you stare at me with disappointment 

If you can appreciate why I won’t pick you up, lay by you, keep your life the way it used to be 

If you can bear with me when I hand you the sanitised bottle instead of the breast

I don’t know 

Who I’m really protecting

Who may be protected because of these precautions 

If all this isn’t useless “draconian” 

If all this is what I’d be super grateful I did

I don’t know

If this will affect my milk production

If this will burden everyone else more than imagined

If this semi-isolation is worth it

We don’t know

If I would need to rebuild our relationships after the test

If Grandma is safer because of all this 

If you are safer

If our at risks are safer

We don’t know

But we do know

We will try

We may cry

We will do our best 

And we love each of you

Each of us

Including you

Our Naa Ameley 

And this temporary scare

Won’t change that 

That we more than just know

We’re absolutely confident of it 

And we thank God for His grace not to know

And yet still trust Him alone

As we walk in faith

In all the steps we take 

That we do know, absolutely!

5:15am

1st Baby Diaries || Friday, 10th June, 2022 || 6 calendar months, 16 days