10 letters - Letter 2
I’m at the airport, Naa. And I can’t help but imagine what I would have done if I saw your eyes that can peer into a soul gaze at me when we drove away. Or if you cried, knowing you weren’t necessarily crying for me but crying because Ariel gave you back to Amanda after letting you sit with us as we backed out of the yard. Each would have broken my heart for sure.
Thankfully, I didn’t see either. So my heart is intact. And I’m just numb. Not a bad numb, just not feeling anything. Not feeling like I’ve left you behind… yet…
And perhaps that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe I’ll feel it tomorrow morning, or in the plane tonight, or tomorrow night when I’m snuggled up alone in my bed without you, without Ariel. Or when I wake up in the dead of the night reaching out for your dummy or your bottle or for you even to breastfeed and realise none are there.
Am I overemphasising all this perhaps? No… I know I’m not. I know it’ll hit me eventually. But maybe these letters may speed up the process or simply delay it. I don’t know and I don’t care honestly. I do know these letters will help me cope, help me feel connected and maybe reduce my Mama’a guilt if I happen to feel it.
One thing I do know is I love you so so much, I’m going to enjoy these days without you, and yes, I’d miss you too. Don’t miss me too much, and ooooohhh dear! I just remembered I left my breast pump! Ok! Operation dry not is now hotter than ever.
Let me send this now before the data cuts. I love you, our Ameley. To the moon and back and back again with a Trotro ride to Boadi Junction. Kiss kiss!
22:26
1st Baby Diaries || Saturday, 1st October, 2022 || 10 calendar months, 6 days
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