Functional

1 month 1 day… 

Where do I even start… 

I guess it won’t be from the beginning but that may eventually make it to a written or verbal diary entry. 

I’ve been a new mother for a month. And boy! Has it been amazing ride! 

Seeing Naa Ameley grow has been an beautiful joy. It wasn’t always this way though. At the beginning, I was pretty functionally oriented. Has she eaten? Has she changed? Is she sleeping? Is her food ready? Are her clothes and nappies ready? 

I wasn’t detached from my emotions in an unhealthy way. Trust me, I know unhealthy, and this wasn’t unhealthy… but I was still detached quite a bit. And I knew it. 

So I created a playlist of soppy daughter songs that made me cry. And whilst she slept, I’d listen to it and cry. Not out of pain or sadness or even joy per se but out of the realisation that I had a daughter who would grow up and be a beautiful person. That every moment counted, including the ones I was in. 

It’s weird how I didn’t even realise I had stopped my regular ritual. I did realise I had stopped shedding tears earlier though. The playlist had become a source of joy, a reminder of the delights of my heart. 

At first, that sweet emotional connection was faint, with small bursts in between. I used to watch Ariel doll over her and be happy for him. Thankfully, I was never worried. I allowed myself to be… I knew it’d grow on me soon… and it did…

One short burst became a lingering feeling during our newborn photo shoot. Yes, we had the photo shoot 😂 Then when her facial expressions increased in quantity, in frequency and in being more obvious, I barely failed to go weak in my knees for her. I moved from a regular gratitude for her to being totally in love all day every day. And now, I can barely change her diaper without showering her with kisses at some point… 

Where do I start? Anywhere… it’s been an amazing ride with so many lessons so far; and can you imagine it’s only been a month! 

Our Naa Ameley, welcome again to this world. Looking forward to many many more enchanting days with you… you make my heart smile in ways I didn’t know existed, my love. I’d cherish every growing day I have with you… each and every day. 

Love, Mum. 

11:36pm

1st baby diaries || Sunday, 26th December, 2021 || 1 calendar month, 1 day