A Thousand Random Things

I sprayed breastmilk in my face by mistake a few seconds ago as I wondered if I had run out of it or Naa was just too sleepy to suckle. I guess the latter was true. And I remembered how far I’ve come with this milk journey and how every mother has a unique story around it. From those that stopped producing and totally ran out of milk a week after resuming work to those that couldn’t produce milk for days after birth (like me). Not forgetting the many that got home with engorged breasts and had to make some plan for extracting at work. Not forgetting the baby formula that our babies preferred or not. It’s amazing how far we’ve all come. Me? I’m amazed… 

A thousand random things… 

I was also thinking of what to write today. There’s time to sit and breastfeed this particular morning so I’m taking advantage of it to type and my mind kept jumping to the different things I could write about. One being how the babies (yes, we have two at home) stopped wailing when I switched the channel to the Teletubbies show. It was hilarious, in that brief moment, I realised how I loved Teletubbies myself, even up to University but not once did I think my own baby would find it pleasantly calming and maybe even quietly hilarious like I have. And yet, here we were, watching Lala count 3 big flowers over and over again amidst her own giggles and all 4 of them giving themselves a “biiig huuug”… lol… the journeys we have… 

A thousand random things… 

Another thing I wanted to write about was a willingness I had recently developed to stop explaining. I feel I’m one of those people who value “why” so much that I give reasons even when it isn’t needed. And yet recently, I find myself stopping at what is essential to say in everyday conversations and correspondence. No “because of”, “this will help to”, “since there is”… it’s like a tap is gradually closing on this one. It started with my clients at Enosua’s heArt and made it’s way to conversations with friends and emails to colleagues. It’s like suddenly my brain became more aware of it and started feeling lazy. Those who know me may not see the difference as much as I do… but I’m amazed… I wonder if it’s going to be a 9-day wonder but whatever it is, I’m pleasantly intrigued… the progress we make… 

A thousand random things… 

Now I realise that those thousand and one things have just left the building. I can’t remember all the many things I wanted to type… typical 😂😂😂 I do know I’m starting to do things that “help” with not being as forgetful. Like setting up calendar invites just to do stuff. Or setting alarms on my phone to do same. Let’s not start about how I got here though, I was forgetful before Naa came along and now I’m not sure if I’m better or worse. What I do know though is, surprisingly, I’m getting so many names right at my new job. Like! Like I’m thoroughly impressed! No lie! Maybe I should buy myself a treat… or better yet, just take a long lovely walk in our neighbourhood to celebrate this “achievement”. It’s interesting how in this moment I’ve suddenly thought of rewarding myself with something that isn’t necessarily pampering or indulgent for celebrating an achievement. It’s funny though, I may stop saying, “if I do X, I’ll buy myself Malt” and replace it with “if I do X, I’ll take a lovely walk” 😂😂😂 There could be something here. A whole business plan or lifestyle change, but let me not get ahead of myself. I’ll take that walk soon and then see where the rest takes me. 

A thousand random things… 

Speaking of rest. It was a very adorable thing cuddling with Naa as I ended my work for the day yesterday. It was one of those “work weekends” so finally finishing what I wanted to do, and then closing my laptop, it was so cute seeing Naa reach out to me. Her hands open and raised with her fussy voice and eager eyes looking at me. It was nice to pick her up, rest her in my bosom and experience her falling asleep as I caught up on social media. It’s one of those everyday things and yet one of those everyday blessings too. Knowing you love someone who loves you too. Knowing you’re needed and have the chance to give off your best to the ones who adore you. Knowing you have many chances to cuddle with your baby whilst it lasts… it’s a beautiful thing. Our lives are filled with so much beauty in spite of all our pains and frustrations. And cuddles with Naa is one of my beautiful havens in life. 

A thousand random things… 

8:15am

1st baby diaries || Sunday, 17th July, 2022 || 7 calendar months, 22 days 

Priority

Tonight I got a call from the hospital; we have to return tomorrow to ensure any red flags from our labs earlier today are put in check. There wasn’t enough info from the labs to say there was a serious issue or a rather benign one. At some point in the conversation, the doctor said, “Oh, please come ooo”. That’s when I caught myself a little distracted by my planning. I was already thinking of what to tell my boss, how we’d meet this very important global deadline at work, how we can still work remotely with the hospital visit tomorrow. No… not at all, I wasn’t even considering not going to the hospital. “Oh no,” I replied, “we are very clear who the priority is, she’s priority, always. We’ll be there tomorrow.”

And that’s when it struck me. Naa Ameley will always be priority, family will always be priority, no matter what. 

Yes, there would be days Naa won’t get to play with me just because I’m home. There are days she gets shipped out of the room because she wants to “say some” during my work call 😂😂. And there are days she may wait an hour or 2 longer to suckle after I close from work because I had to leave the office later than usual. Yes, there may be many days like that. Honouring God in my work is important. And yes, there are days Ariel may have to wait with Naa outside our bedroom so I can complete an important call with an Enosua’s heArt client. Those days will come, but that doesn’t mean my family isn’t priority. Naa, if you or any of your siblings are reading this, know that the times you have to wait “your turn” doesn’t mean you aren’t priority. You are. Always. Just not a first pick as a constant, but when it’s really important, when it boils down to choosing one thing over my family, like my last job move was, you, my family, will always always be priority. 

It spooked me. The very thought. That one day I could walk away from a good career prospect or a great Enosua’s heArt break because my priorities are clear, our priorities are clear: Family first. 

Yes, it was spooky but “boy!!!” did that make me proud! An unwavering conviction, when push comes to shove, no one shoves my family out. 

Will I be irresponsible when choosing family over all (please don’t add God to the “all”… lol… that’s also very clear to me)? Hell no? I don’t plan to be and hope I meet people with grace who call that out if I ever do so blindly. I’ll do my very best to plan or mitigate, so I can honour God in honouring my family. And honour God in every other aspect of my life. I may pick work calls in the car at a hospital, if needed. Or wake up really early to fulfill a client’s order. And for sure, I would work late like I’m doing today to make up for “borrowed” time from my day job or other responsibilities. But will I put them first over you, Naa? Over our family? No… no, I won’t. God forbid that I do. 

I really ask for grace to keep us first, Naa. Speeches are easy, and announced convictions can be glamorous. So we thank God that grace abounds. 

That call has shaken me because of this thought that it generated, Naa. Thankfully the content of the call itself wasn’t scary. However, I’m thankful I’ve gotten those shock waves this evening. It’s a humbling reminder why I work, why I chase my dreams, why I love being a Mum, a Wife, a Daughter of God too. Typing this out has strengthened my resolve, and ooo am I grateful that I had this experience tonight. 

Tomorrow, we’d make it. Come hell or high water. And may we be given many opportunities to make it when it counts… for you, for family, for us…

6:38pm

1st Baby Diaries || Thursday, 14th July, 2022 || 7 calendar months, 19 days 

Exhausted, Super Proud!

One thing I’ve learnt being a Mom, Full time worker and a small business owner, either can make you exhausted… all 3? Very exhausted. 

Sometimes I’m so exhausted everything just takes a pause. Other times, the long hours of one become the more hours of another, especially with discipline and the frequent reminder that, “Sis! You don’t have time!” 

It’s fun building a business, adding value to your employer, pouring love and milk into your child. They have their ups and downs but let’s face it: it’s more than fun, each is a rewarding experience. They truly are. 

So tonight, I find myself trying to soothe my fussy teething baby so she can sleep on what could have been a semi-empty stomach. Thankfully the calm and wait till past 11pm paid off! She drank the rest of her formula! Finally! The one she rejected earlier. Naa Ameley loooooves food! So when she rejected food, I knew there was going to be extra effort needed tonight. Thankfully, whilst I waited and allowed her to fuss in and out of sleep till she got hungry, I worked on some paperwork for Enosua’s heArt… not a minute wasted being a goal, it was nice using up this TV/Mom time to catch up on what I had been putting off too long. Mompreneur.

After she finally finally fell asleep better fed, I put her down and then ironed my new dress for work. Day 5 on my new job and I wanted to look really good this time. If it didn’t fit perfectly just from all the weight I’ve gained these past few weeks, it surely had to be look well ironed. Thankful for all the leg work Mandy had put in, I just needed to iron out a few stubborn creases to finish it off. The plan was to catch up on some audio learning for my business as I ironed. I guess I forgot but it’s nice that the thought was there. Prepping for work and sharpening my side-hustle ask in tandem. Sidepreneur.

Yes, all this leaves me exhausted. I could have been asleep before 9pm but here I am, right before midnight, briefly catching this moment because I want to remember these days. 

I’m a young Mompreneur and Sidepreneur, I’m proud of both, proud of the 3 elements that make me both: Mom, full time employee and business owner (mostly in this order). Proud of all the systems currently in place plus the new ones I am building to help me excel as much as feasible in my circumstance at each. Proud of the awesome people I have at home, work and my Enosua’s heArt affiliations who support me. 

Yes. I’m a young Mompreneur and Sidepreneur, exhausted and super proud. 

00:02am

Mompreneur/Sidepreneur Diaries || Thursday, 7th July, 2022

Don’t Know

 We don’t know 

If I have COVID or not 

If I contracted it at work yesterday or not

If a test today will reveal the truth

If waiting till Monday will give a more accurate test result

If I hadn’t contracted it before yesterday 

We don’t know 

If our lives are safe enough to not ignore precautions 

If being careful now is useful

If being careful now is even necessary 

If this semi isolation is worth anything 

I don’t know

If you understand, Naa Ameley 

What’s in your mind when you stare at me with disappointment 

If you can appreciate why I won’t pick you up, lay by you, keep your life the way it used to be 

If you can bear with me when I hand you the sanitised bottle instead of the breast

I don’t know 

Who I’m really protecting

Who may be protected because of these precautions 

If all this isn’t useless “draconian” 

If all this is what I’d be super grateful I did

I don’t know

If this will affect my milk production

If this will burden everyone else more than imagined

If this semi-isolation is worth it

We don’t know

If I would need to rebuild our relationships after the test

If Grandma is safer because of all this 

If you are safer

If our at risks are safer

We don’t know

But we do know

We will try

We may cry

We will do our best 

And we love each of you

Each of us

Including you

Our Naa Ameley 

And this temporary scare

Won’t change that 

That we more than just know

We’re absolutely confident of it 

And we thank God for His grace not to know

And yet still trust Him alone

As we walk in faith

In all the steps we take 

That we do know, absolutely!

5:15am

1st Baby Diaries || Friday, 10th June, 2022 || 6 calendar months, 16 days

Dexterity

I’ve been meaning to write this forever, and tonight the joy in my heart won’t let me skip it anymore. Of course, small candles shine most brightly in darkness so here goes: 

Boy! The dexterity in your fingers, Naa! I’m in awe. I loved watching you develop them. From the random movements that achieved nothing but the smiles on my face to the attempts to pat me purposefully. Then I saw you juggle your bottle in your hand and fumble with picking anything at all. So imagine my heart singing when you finally picked up your own dummy and brought it to your mouth! My word! You learn fast, Naa Ameley, much better than Mama taught you. 

The dexterity in your fingers. Did I tell you how my heart warmed up in all the fuzziness that be when you reached out and dug your hand into my neck ever so fondly to fall asleep. And since then each time you do so I fall in love. 

I can’t say I love you grabbing my lips and twisting it like crazy with your weirdly sharp nails when you’re feeling sleepy. Or that you want to grab the spoon when I’m feeding you a mashed banana and then almost immediately rub your eyes with them…. Urrrrggghhhhhhhhhhh… Naa, the thought alone! Sometimes, I wonder now that you can bring the dummy to your mouth what else are you going to pick up… from the floor!! Ohhh the horror! 

But back to counting my smiles, I’ve loved the way, since birth, you have these classy ways you hold up your hand from time to time. Like a lady about to receive a ring. A movie star flaunting her diamond-studded nails. There’s a class about you that makes me wonder how plan to carry yourself as you grow. 

The dexterity of your fingers. They make me smile. Soon you will write GW and may or may not sketch. You may construct 3D objects with such precision people will wonder how that too can be genetic. You may even play the piano, the guitar,  or type better than Mavis Beacon 😂😂 I knowwww, you won’t know who Mavis Beacon is. And if you cook, the way you slice those onions would make the food absolutely delicious, not to speak of the way your mind and your hands will communicate to create awesome recipes. Or you may do none of these, my dear.  But I know whatever comes from the manipulations of your fingers would be good, beautiful and God-glorifying… and I can’t wait to see it. I’m definitely enjoying the journey… because at this rate, it’s going to be an incredibly beautiful one. 

The dexterity of your fingers, sweet child… how the Lord has blessed me to see this. 

10:16pm 

Monday, 16th May, 2022 || 5 calendar months and 21 days || 1st Baby Diaries

Tonight

Tonight I’m broken 

I’m on my way and get home after 9pm… close to 10pm…

I’ve taken an Uber from work costing 137 cedis… 

And I’m wondering if returning to work is truly a blessing 

Tonight I’m guessing…

The what ifs never end and I choose to write in verse, in line, in time, in rhyme… or anything in between 

My baby may not suckle tonight and I’m not sure how much I can pump 

Tonight I’m numb

Going through the motion and hoping I don’t cry 

My heart weeps but my face is dead to it 

My mind wanders wondering how women survive 

Tonight I’m vulnerable 

No one knows the answer and I can just take a guess 

Follow that guess and hope it’s the right one

Do my best with no end in sight 

Tonight I need prayer. Do pray with me… 

8:40pm

1st Baby Diaries || Wednesday, 4th May, 2022 || 5 calendar months 9 days 

Acting like a baby

Recently I’ve been comparing Naa Ameley’s actions to human nature especially in reference to the term, “acting like a baby”. 

For example, this morning after she had successfully finished her bottle almost all by herself (lol… she can hold her own bottle to her face and feed — occasionally with a little help), and successfully burped, guess what followed… she threw up right all over me 🤦🏾‍♀️ Right after that, she began smiling and laughing — perhaps after feeling relief from tossing cookies — whilst I, on the other hand, tried to figure out how to most efficiently clean up this mess without making her cry…

Reminds me of some people I’ve met, and sometimes even my own self when I’ve unfortunately been acting like a baby. Be ok and even quite successful one minute and then without any warning, spew a lot of disrespectful words or gestures all over the people I “need” or “work with” and then expect them to smile with me the next minute, or after which, I simply choose not to care about the effects my outpouring caused. 

Like a baby, just that we’re not babies, we’re acting like them. 

Or the other day when I had finally been able to grab myself a meal, and was right, riiight in the middle of it. Guess who began wailing that she wanted food immediately? You guessed right. And she wouldn’t stop or wait her turn. I realised in that moment that that’s a skill we are taught and choose to pick up along the way. 

So when it’s all about us and everyone must stop for us, we aren’t babies but we surely are acting like them! The difference though is unlike babies, we either know better or can find out how to know better (if we want to, we can even ask Google). Or like babies, we truly are oblivious to how our actions affect others, and a kind prompt could do the trick. Or like babies, we’d rather prefer to give rude wake up calls in the middle of the night to prompt others as to what to do right in response to their baby-ish behaviour. Funny thing is babies barely have a choice because they haven’t yet learnt or been quite exposed to the art of communicating like adults, and yet, we have. 

And how about the time yours truly would just cry! And for the life of me, I’m unable to figure out what’s bothering her till it’s satisfied somehow. A case of bad gas? A case of a dirty diaper? A case of hunger? A case of a toy “not working” as expected? A case of the bite of an insect that came out of nowhere? A case of some distress… unable to communicate it without throwing a tantrum. Or should I say only being able to communicate it through tantrums. 

Remember the ones you know who seem to consistently communicate with shouts and screams when some expectation hasn’t been met? Are they truly unable to communicate without the drama or they just can’t be bothered? Remember when you did same that one time? Intentionally or not, that’s baby right there. 

The cool thing about acting like a baby is that it’s not beyond any of us. You could dare say it’s natural human behaviour that we’ve chosen to leave behind… well, mostly. But what’s way cooler is it’s also not beyond us to rise above it… and choose the less selfish, more self-empowered, and the productively experienced approach. 

The next time I feel someone is acting like a baby, I may treat them like one and extend grace, or be reminded of Naa and just smile (if it’s a terrible situation I may just suit them up in diapers in my mind to help me cope) or if I’m not up for all this adulting, I may join them in the crib and respond as a baby would. I honestly don’t know. But I honestly do hope that whatever happens, I would glorify God… baby acts or not… 

Scene three , take two, action! 🎥👶🏾👶🏼👶🏿👶🏻🍼🎞

10:07am

1st Baby Diaries || Saturday, 9th April, 2022 || 4 calendar months, 15 days